Meandering Around Maryland

Here's a copy of my most recent weekend travel supplement for The Washington Post. It appeared in The Washington Post Magazine yesterday. Enjoy.

¿Dónde está Barbie?

Ladies and gentlemen, I am appalled. The Children's Museum of Indianapolis has just announced the results of its "100 Toys That Define Our Childhood" contest. According to the popular vote of the 24,000 responding to the poll, the favorite toy from the past century is one G.I. Joe. G.I. don't think so.

IMHO, there is absolutely no question that Barbie should have been #1. But travesty upon travesty, not only is she not #1...she doesn't even rate a bronze medal. Transformers came in second and LEGO got the bronze spot.
WTF? Who voted in this contest? Not to sound sexist, but it sounds like some boy toys stacked the competition.

But let me get back to a little journalism here. The goal of this poll was to determine, from a list of 100 toys compiled by curators of The Children's Museum's collection, the ten most iconic.  After five weeks of public voting, the list of 100 was narrowed down to the top 20. From said list, the public once again was asked to rank favorites. In the wisdom of these masses, the Top 10 are as follows:

#1  G.I. Joe                           #7 Cabbage Patch Kids      
#2  Transformers                   #8  Crayons
#3  LEGO                             #9  Play-Doh  
 #4  Barbie                            #10 MONOPOLY
#5  View-Master
#6  Bicycles 

Regarding #10, I couldn't be happier, although I do think board games should have been a separate category.
Nevertheless, as a collector of international versions of Monopoly (I have more than three dozen), I'm a big fan of the board...although I do get rather bored when I play the game. By the way, dear reader, the stories behind the collection of those international games--ranging from Australia to Israel (in Hebrew) to Poland (pre-1989) to Tunisia (pre-2000) to Yugoslavia (pre-the break-up) will be detailed in upcoming posts.


The also-rans:

#11 Raggedy Ann
#12 Spirograph
#13 Etch a Sketch 
#14 Little Golden Books
#15 Hot Wheels
#16 Lincoln Logs
#17 Candy Land
#18 Roller Skates
#19 Silly Putty
#20 Mr. Potato Head 
Again, I am disappointed with the low rating for our spudly buddy. I definitely eye him for the Top 10. Yukon be sure I will discuss Mr. P.H. and others in my next post, which will serve up my own Top 10....or maybe my Top 9 given my contrarian nature. Meantime, what were some of your favorite childhood toys? And if there were a separate category for games, which would be on your list? Operation? Masterpiece? Sorry? Please weigh in.

Nine Gnomes About Travel Writing...

...and no, I am not referring to the Travelocity troll. Look it up.

Meantime, a summer of ennui, spent mainly in the confines of swampy Washington, DC, has left me at a loss for words. That is why, dear reader, you note a paucity of posts penned in August. But this week, I have a mission. For I must lecture a group of wannabe travel writers on the ins and outs of the trade. As the class is taking place at the USDA (as in the U.S. Department of Agriculture) grad school, perhaps I should first have the flock read my novella on the Trailing of the Sheep Festival in Idaho. Or perhaps my students will enjoy this homage to the Idaho potato. Or perhaps my students at this point are thinking, "If trips to Idaho are all I can expect from a career in travel writing, why bother?" Now, as anyone who knows me and who knows my inexplicable love for that state knows, I would say that even if trips to Idaho are all you get, some might consider you one lucky spud. But alas, I have taken my eye of the ball....which is not to praise Idaho, but to teach my fledgling scribes something about travel writing. Selfishly, I am also trying to type my way out of a profound case of writer's block.

So, how about a lesson in the Top 9 Travel Writing Taboos? It floats my boat. So, to wit, let's start.

#1: Avoid cliches like the plague. The Danish in Copenhagen isn't the best thing since sliced bread (since when is sliced bread so great, anyway?) Since when did you actually feel like a kid in the candy store, even if you are an art historian and you were hanging at the Louvre (actually, if you were hanging at the Louvre, you might be a masterpiece). And unless you were trying out a carousel, you don't give things a whirl.

#2: Avoid words you never use when talking. I'm talking iconic, quaint, and rustic. 

#3: Okay, just to show that I am not overly persnickety, I'll allow one quaint or iconic per article. But never, ever use luxe or azure. Just don't.

#4: That the grass is green is not newsworthy. That the beach is sandy is not newsworthy. Don't include useless and/or redundant adjectives. Keep it pithy, people.

#5: Can a city boast? Apparently, it can, as "Chicago boasts the best deep-dish pizza in the world" and "Honolulu boasts grand luxe hotels, sandy beaches, and azure skies."  But IMHO, a place cannot boast.

#6: Is Albania the next Italy? I don't think so. But some travel writers do. "The next..." is not merely cliched writing; it is also somewhat pejorative if you think about it (i.e.--the next best thing to sliced bread....but it ain't no slice of bread).

#7: Don't trash the locals or local customs just for the heck of it. If you do, as in this piece I did for National Geographic Traveler on trash in Albania (seriously), provide context and balance.

#8: Maybe it's me, because I simply abhor chick-lit. But articles about your journey of self-discovery are usually a yawn, even to your closest friends. Sure, an Elizabeth Gilbert or a Frances Mayes may hit the jackpot with prosaic poppycock. But my best advice is to circumvent this form of literary litany.
An aside--why is it that 99 out of 100 of these self-confessional, self-delusional pieces are written by women?

#9: Never, never, never use the term "something for everyone" in your writing. It's lazy, it's annoying (to me, anyway) and it's simply not true. Don't you be telling me Des Moines has something for everyone. For example, if you are a surfer, where's the beach? New York City doesn't have something for everyone. For example, if you are a climber, try finding a mountain to scale in Manhattan (skyscrapers don't count). Heck, even Sydney, the best city in the world (again, IMHO), doesn't have something for everyone. For example, if you are an astronomer, you can't see the Big Dipper and vast parts of Ursa Major in the Australian night sky.
But you can pet a koala.

Which brings me to one more somewhat non-related point. You can pet a koala, but you can't pet a koala bear. Koalas are marsupials, not bears. Put that in your pouch and ponder. Oh, one more point--if you do want to pet a koala, don't do so by awakening it from a eucalyptus-induced sloom. I can tell you from experience...not a good idea. They are vicious, vicious I tell you. But that's a story for another post.

Of Country, Crabs and Cars

Details for those of you who watched my appearance on NewsChannel 8 about nearby getaways.



Country
Goodstone Inn, Middleburg, Virginia:  This luxurious country inn in the heart of Virginia's wine and hunt country is pricey (rooms range from $300'ish to $800 a night). Still, it's the perfect place (if your pocketbook acquiesces) to eat up Farm-to-Fork, a Loudoun County celebration of locally-sourced food and fine wine.
Goodstone Celebrates Farm-to-Fork Loudoun   July 25-August 5
10% off rack rates/one night; 15% off rack/two nights, plus full country breakfast each morning, $25 gift card for the restaurant, and other value-added goodies.

The Inn at Perry Cabin, St. Michaels, Maryland: This Eastern Shore favorite offers 40% off a third night through August 30.

Crabs
Feeling crabby? The Hyatt Regency Chesapeake Bay Resort can cure what ails you. During the luxury property's Third Annual Crab Week, running from August 17-31, guests can learn how to catch and prep crabs; how to eat crab; and how to race a crab. Additional activities include local craft beer tastings, crab-inspired cookie decorating, and the crab de grace--a crab cake eating contest.

What's more, with the Hyatt Free Time package, guests who stay two nights get a third night free. Just mention offer code FRTIME when reserving a room. So, don't be a hermit and come to Cambridge to celebrate Maryland's state crustacean.

Cars
If you prefer car racing to crab racing, wait until Labor Day weekend and drive yourself to Baltimore. The Second Annual Grand Prix of Baltimore zooms through the streets of the city and the Inner Harbor from August 31-September 2. Hotels on the Inner Harbor have the inside track for auto aficionados. The Hyatt Regency Baltimore; The Marriott Inner Harbor at Camden Yards, and the Sheraton Inner Harbor (the official hotel of the Baltimore Grand Prix) are all offering packages including tickets for the race and rooms with a view.

God Bless Bieber, God Save the Queen, and God Knows What Else is in SkyMall

This post was originally conceived as a piece about helpful items to bring on a two-week TransSiberian Express adventure. However, a change of itinerary left me merely armchairing SkyMall on a plane rather than giving berth to an article on train travel.

Having never read SkyMall cover to cover, I took the opportunity to do so on a flight from Washington, DC to San Francisco. Below are some of the items that intrigued me, amused me, or otherwise unhinged me.

Let’s start with the erudite. I never mind a little in-flight education, unless it comes via a boring seatmate. The best way to learn and to shut out said space interloper at the same time is to throw on some earphones and listen to your lovely Complete Works of Beethoven, only $169.00 on SkyMall.  Or opt to learn a language via Rosetta Stone. Courses cost between $179.99 and $499.99 and they include an app for that.

All images from SkyMall Catalog

If your body is aching in flight, as mine was, the appeal of the SomaWave Helmut ($79.99, batteries not included) beckons. Sure, you’ll look like a space alien or an escapee from an insane asylum as you don the metal cap.  But the catalog copy insists it’s “like having thousands of tiny fingers stimulate your scalp“ and  its "euphoria-inducing waves may produce sleep or a trance-like state of consciousness."  If it sounds too good to be true, note that the product reviews tell potential purchasers to wave bye-bye to this flight of fancy.

A little less high-tech is the ReLeaf Neck Nest ($19.99). You’ll look like a stylin’ Catholic priest wearing a black dickey highlighted with royal blue. Unlike U-shaped pillows that plop your head forward, this clerical collar keeps you on the straight and narrow. And you can fold it up and throw it in your carry-on.

Now, if a long plane flight has your spirits down, SkyMall believes there might be some magic in star power. Take, for example, Justin Bieber Singing Toothbrushes. You have two choices. One plays Baby and (appropriately) U Smile, while the other plays Somebody to Love and Love Me. Each tune lasts two minutes, which is optimal brushing time, according to nine out of ten Canadian dentists. Vibrating brushes range in price from $14.99 to $27.99, although you can also buy a mute manual Bieber brush for the bargain bounty of $2.99. And just in time for food stuck between teeth--mint-flavor Bieber floss ($2.99).
Loony.

For those with a little more class, how about a Diamond Jubilee Solar-Powered Queen? A solar battery in her purse ensures that familar steady steady wave ($21.95). If you like, you can accessorize the monarch with a solar-powered corgi ($14.95), who will nod his head happily. Prince Philip not included. 

Daily Suitcase Goes on a Week-Long Adventure

Literally. My suitcase has, in the past week, been spotted around the world. At times, it has been seen at two different places at the same time. I either have a magical suitcase or one that is experiencing binary fission.

To recap my worldly bag's itinerary:

On July 4, I flew from Washington National (DCA) to San Francisco (SFO). I was supposed to travel on to Beijing (PEK, BTW), but fell ill on the plane (long story). As soon as I disembarked, I, the ever responsible traveler, alerted the gate agent of my condition and he said the bag would be pulled from the Beijing flight.

After taking an hour to schlep over to the SFO Travel Clinic, which was closed for the holiday, I wandered down to United Baggage Claim's "Help" Desk. One agent was manning the desk. The line had about four people ahead of me. Twenty minutes later, the line was down to one person in front of me. Unfortunately, that person shanghai'ed the staffer and took her away for 40 minutes. No replacement came as the line behind me grew steadily. Finally, after an hour, I was attended to, and told my bag was somewhere at SFO.

I was at the airport another hour (I arrived at 11:00; my flight to Beijing was to leave at noon; it was now 2:00). I went back to the service desk, where a manager insisted the bag was in the airport and in fact, on its way to the service desk at that very moment. Half an hour later, it still didn't arrive, so I left with a friend who rescued me from the airport.

On the morning of July 5,  I called United Baggage Claim and learned the bag was in Beijing. How it got to Beijing, unless it was never pulled from the noon flight the day before, is a mystery (and remember, it was reportedly in San Francisco when the flight to Beijing took off). I requested its return to San Francisco.

On the morning of July 6, the bag was still in Beijing. At that point, with a glimmer of hope that I might actually get to Beijing, I asked United to hold the bag in China until further notice.

On the evening of July 6, pretty sure I would not be flying to China, I called again. Agents told me the bag was last reported in Washington, DC at DCA on July 5. Imagine my confusion.

On the morning of July 7, definite I would not fly to China, I checked on the bag and it was still said to be somewhere in Washington, DC. This, of course, didn't make sense because it had been reported both in San Francisco and Beijing since July 5.


As my plane landed at Washington Dulles (IAD) at 10:30 PM on July 7, I figured that I might as well check at United Baggage Claim at the airport since I was there (feeling oh-so-lovely, BTW). The guy there said the bag was in Beijing. He gave me a non-toll-free number for United Help in Houston, saying the people staffing that number were more likely to provide decent service. HA!


At 11:30 PM on July 7 in the cab going home, I called said number. The woman said the bag was on a plane flying to Washington, DC.

On July 8, the bag was still in Bejing. It then went MIA for a few days.


On the afternoon of July 10, the bag was reported to be at DCA in Washington. It was to be delivered to my house within hours.

On July 11, the bag was reportedly on a flight to Washington IAD. And as there are no flights from IAD to DCA (given that the two airports are a mere 20 miles apart), it was apparent the bag was never at DCA the day before....nor, for that matter on July 5 or 6.


On the morning of July 12, the bag was reported at Dulles.

4:00 PM,  July 12: Home Sweet Home.

Now, if only I were a singer, I could actually make lemonade out of this lemon, like this guy did. Granted, my guitar wasn't broken (although I am sure it would have been if I have one in the suitcase), but my story is certainly worthy of a country song. If any songwriters would like to tackle it with me, I'm up for the ride.

Nine Things I Learned During My Non-Trip to China and Russia

Call this column Birthday Therapy. I was supposed to be somewhere in Mongolia on this special day aboard the Trans-Siberian Express. However, a mystery malady caused me to cancel the trip after the first leg. Said leg landed me in San Francisco, where I was stuck for three days, hoping to feel better so that I could travel over the Pacific. Alas, I ended up back in Washington, DC, where I am currently on hold with United Baggage Claim (see below) as I write this.



1. First, not a lesson learned, but one reinforced. When traveling, always fill a carry-on bag with necessary toiletries, medications, and clean undies. My fabulous new collapsible carry-on from Biaggi was packed with enough stuff to get me through three days in San Francisco without need to repeat outfits nor undergarments.

(One aside on underwear--just before leaving, I got a press release from Travel Guard with ten packing tips. One was: Bring extra underwear and throw it away along the way so you will have more space in your luggage for things you buy. I've seen this tip before and it always make me chuckle. Because, seriously, unless you are packing elephant-sized granny pants in your trunk (note pun, please), I don't see how throwing out underwear gives anyone extra room. Butt I digress).

2. Despite the fact that airlines say bags do not fly on overseas flights unless matched to on-board passengers, the experience of my luggage suggests otherwise. My duffle spent four lovely nights in the Beijing Airport, without a visa and without a matching passenger.

3. If you want a ticket agent instead of a disembodied voice on the United Help Line, say "agent" when first prompted to "press 1 for this, press 2 for that." The voice will then say, "I think you want an agent, but first, let me see if I can help you." Then, the voice starts the "press 1" routine again. At that point, repeat "agent"  and you will be connected to a real person--or at least you will be put on hold to speak to a real person.


4. While it is not any faster, I was told by an in-the-know United baggage representative (I have met many along this journey) that if you call (281) 821-3526, you will be connected to the Houston Help Desk, versus being routed to an outsourced aid line.


5. United charges $200 to reinstate frequent flyer mileage (I had booked my Moscow to DC return flight via MileagePlus). Boo.

6. Health care is better in San Francisco than it is in Washington, DC.

7. Although www.agoda.com is owned by Priceline, it seems to have more flexible refund policies.

8. It pays to increase your word power. While updating those involved with this trip about my daily status, at one point I noted that "the odds of traveling to China this afternoon are at 5%. But if you see pigs or vacas/cows in the sky around noon-time, I am likely China-bound." This riff on "when pigs fly" left me wondering--what do they call that kind of phrase?  It's an adynaton, a phrase about which I will be writing further soon (now that I have time on my hands).  

The definition: Hyberbole so great as to be an impossibility. 
Other examples--
In Italian, it's Quando gli asini voleranno (when donkeys fly) 
In Spanish, it's Quando las vacas vuelen (when the cows fly) 
In Chinese (sigh), they use "除非太陽打西邊出來" (when the sun rises in the west) and
In Russian, (sigh again), it's когда рак на горе свистнет (when the crawfish whistles on the mountain). 

None of the above occurred. I am now back home in Washington, DC, which I'd only prefer to China/Russia quando as galinhas tiverem dentes.


9. ?


I welcome your suggestions for filling out #9. 

Don't Take Freedom for Granted

This article, which appeared in Julie van de Zande's A Broader Life last month, seems particularly appropriate to re-post on Independence Day. 



Life Learned Abroad Interview: Laura Powell

What is the most valuable life lesson you’ve 
learned traveling or living abroad?  

Laura: The most profound experience I have had while traveling took place 27 years ago. During winter break from my graduate school studies in England, a friend and I decided to head to West Germany. The itinerary included a visit to West Berlin, physically located in East Germany.

The train ride from West to East was a precursor of things to come. When we crossed the border, armed guards came through the train, overturning seats and diligently checking passports. Outside, the scenery changed from modern landscapes to barren land.

Upon arriving in West Berlin late on a misty, chilly night (a scene somewhat reminiscent of an old Cold War spy novel), my friend and I, as I remember it, walked over to look at the Berlin Wall. The site was a shock. The graffiti-splattered Wall on the West German side (designed, I learned later, to keep the West Germans in as opposed to keeping the East Germans out) served as a stark personification (if an object can be personified) of the proverbial Iron Curtain.

Between the sight of the Wall, images of American military vehicles rolling down the streets of West Berlin, and the “You are Leaving the American/French/British Sector” signs, I was creeped out, for lack of a better term.

But what really sealed my unease was an excursion over to East Berlin–my first journey into a Communist land.

Images: The eastern part of the Wall (there were actually two walls between the two cities–divided by a mined No Man’s Land) unmarked by graffiti, but topped with barbed wire and overseen by guard towers. The contrast in the Christmas Markets between East and West–the West’s rampant with consumerism; the East’s marked (so to speak) by long lines of shabbily-dressed locals waiting desperately to buy a pair of gloves, some socks, or other basic necessities. The difficulty of spending the 25 marks we were forced to exchange upon going into East Berlin. The long waits in the passport lines at the border.

From all of this, the life lesson–don’t take freedom for granted. Seeing a Wall separating people; keeping people from moving freely–for the first time, it struck me how lucky I was to be an American. And, to this day, that image informs my political view and perhaps my career, which is based on being able to travel freely anywhere in the world.

The side lesson: Even though the Christmas Markets in West Berlin were vibrant and colorful, while the ones in the East were grey and depressing, I was, nonetheless, somewhat disturbed by the crass consumerism in the West. Perhaps it was the stark contrast between two places just miles from each other in distance, but world’s apart in terms of philosophy and lifestyle. But it did strike me, at that time, that the Western focus on consumption was a bit vulgar and empty.

Laura Lands in an Airline Magazine

That's quite a feat, no?

Please enjoy my first story for Emirates OpenSkies Magazine. The nine-page spread on Washington, DC starts on page 102. Let me know what you think. Personally, I love the illustrations that accompany the piece.

Novel Non-Stops

My first travel column for The Georgetowner.
The bi-weekly glossy is aimed at Washington, DC's first-class travelers.
Here's a brief peek, but click on the link above for the full skinny.
-------------------------
Washington jet-setters now have a full slate of exciting new options for non-stop travel out of the DC area. Several international carriers have chosen 2012 as their year to get acquainted with Washingtonians, while some of the old standbys are adding new destinations--international and domestic--to their schedules.

If you fly out of Dulles, there might be a fjord in your future. That’s because Icelandair is back in the Washington region after a fjour-year absence. This time, instead of flying out of BWI, it’s flying out of Dulles. During the summer, Icelandair has six flights a week to Reykjavik. This is an airline known for offering long-weekend deals (the flight is less than six hours), so keep an eye on its website, particularly during non-peak travel months.

Good news for United MileagePlus members, who can rack up plenty of points on the airline’s three international routes introduced this spring.  United Airlines now flies a daily non-stop to Dublin, Ireland, to Manchester, England and to Doha, Qatar.

If you have a hankering for seven-star hotels and a yen to see the tallest  building in the world, enjoy a far-flung exotic adventure via Emirates.The highly-rated Middle Eastern carrier inaugurates its daily non-stop service from Dulles to Dubai on September 12. Book business class before July 5 and save $1000. 

If you feel like a shorter hop, Porter Airlines may be just the ticket. This top-rated Canadian carrier started flying between Dulles and Toronto City Airport in April. There are now four flights each way each day. What passengers get for their money--perks such as access to premium passenger lounges, and free wine, beer, and snacks on board.

Heading south of the border, AeroMexico launched daily non-stops from Dulles to Mexico City in May.  If you want to get a bit of that Latin flavor without leaving U.S. territory, opt for JetBlue’s new non-stop service from Reagan National (DCA) to San Juan, Puerto Rico.  Of course, you’ll have to wait until August 23 to head to the islands.

DCA to San Juan? What gives, you say? The FAA’s new Modernization and Reform Act, signed on Valentine’s Day, grants slots for eight new non-stops between DCA and destinations beyond the airport’s normal 1,250-mile perimeter.   In particular, that’s a sweetheart deal for Washingtonians looking to travel to California. There are several new non-stops to the West Coast, including a daily American flight to Los Angeles and a daily United flight to San Francisco.  US Airways starts flying non-stop to San Diego in July and Virgin America wings its way to SFO on August 14.

Meantime, if you want to wander up the Baltimore-Washington Parkway, Condor Airlines is scheduled to begin twice-weekly non-stop service between BWI and Frankfurt, Germany next month. Condor tends to offer seats at lower fares than its Lufthansa counterpart, so if you are heading to Germany, you’ll get high marks for comparing prices.

9 Things I Learned at the Fancy Food Show

After attending the 58th Summer Fancy Food Show in Washington, DC, I came away with the following tidbits.

1. If you like cheese and olives, you'll get your fill at the Fancy Food Show. There are thousands of food manufacturers, countries, and companies displaying their wares and means. And by my very unofficial count, at least 20% of them are serving up samples of cheese and olives.

2. The top three growth areas in terms of sales are shelf-stable functional beverages (yummo); yogurt and kefir; and energy bars.

3. In 2011, Kosher was the leading new product claim. 446 Kosher products were introduced last year, beating #2, All Natural (267), by a landslide. L'Chayim.

4. Gluten-free is the hottest thing since sliced bread. (Now, if they would only make a good gluten-free sliced bread). Everyone is coming out with gluten-free specialty foods. In fact, a poll by the National Association for the Specialty Food Trade (NASFT), shows that 35% of manufacturers are looking to add the GF label to their lines this year. That's the good news. But what bothers me, as a gluten-free girl of 15 years standing, is that now everybody and their cousin is shouting GLUTEN-FREE to their packaging. Yogurts are trying to milk the gluten-free trend. Potato chips are trying to add to their appeel (sic) by toting GF. And it's a pita that hummus is doing it, too. Because all of these products, for the most part, are gluten-free, anyway. 



5. Caffeinated water makes sense. After talking to the lovely people at Avitae, I am fully on board with the idea of having such a beverage on airplanes. Hear me out. The biggest problem during a long-distance flight (aside from a potentially smelly seatmate) is dehydration. Yet, what do people tend to drink (non-alcoholically) during long-distance flights? Coffee and Coke. Both are diuretics. But they do wake you up. So, you arrive at your destination wide-eyed, albeit dehydrated. But caffeinated water can help you arrive both wide-eyed and wet. What's not to like?

6. My favorite story from the Fancy Food Show is the tale of Tanka Bar. The company is owned and run by members of the Oglala Lakota from the Pine Ridge Reservation in South Dakota. The innovative energy bar meshes tribal ancestral knowledge of the life-giving qualities of native foods with today's quest for healthy "snack" foods. Made with prairie-fed buffalo, cranberries, and no artificial anything (and they are gluten-free, too), Tanka Bar seems the ideal protein product for keeping up endurance on the road. I can't wait to take a pack along on my lengthy train journey through Siberia.

7. You can now buy canned wine and boxed water.

8. The largest olive oil producers in the world are Spain, Italy and Greece. Hopefully, the golden nectar, in particular, can grease the wheels of the sagging Greek economy. 

9. Expect to see more products packed with fiber and probiotics.

Laura's Getting Around

Happy to report two new exciting, upscale outlets. I have just been named travel editor of The Georgetowner, a bi-monthly publication distributed to Washington, DC's chi-chi and power players. Speaking of whom, my power profile on Washington appears in next month's Open Skies Magazine,
which can be found on board Emirates Airlines. 

USA Today Asks Me To Write About DC 's Best Beach

That's right. Following on the heels of last year's Just for Summer: 51 Great ....series, where USA Today asked me to write about the best place to spot wildlife in the nation's capital*, I received a new challenge for 2012. "Hey, Laura," said my editor at USA Today, "this year, our topic is 51 great beaches. You are our DC expert. You can't do anything in Maryland, nor Virginia. Your mission is to find a beach within the confines of the 68.3 square miles of Washington, DC." Please note that said editor said this with a straight face as she sat in USA Today HQ in McLean, VA, just minutes from the District border.

At any rate, here is the result.

District of Columbia 

Let's face facts: Washington, D.C., doesn't have a beach. But the city is finally capitalizing on its Rodney Dangerfield of rivers, the Anacostia. Yards Park, just a mile and a half from the U.S. Capitol, has a kid-friendly fountain and wading pool, open spaces and an old-fashioned boardwalk. Festivals and Friday night concerts bring crowds out in force. Early mornings are perfect for strolling on the quiet waterfront, watching rowers on the river or relaxing in wooden chaise-lounge chairs. yardspark.org

— Recommended by Laura Powell, travel journalist based in Washington, D.C.

*Best wildlife: No, I did not go with the obvious--which would have been the National Zoo. Nor did I opt for the snarky--which would have been the floor of the House of Representatives. Instead, my pick was Theodore Roosevelt Island.

Pun Linguistics Part II: Nine Things I Learned at The O.Henry Pun-Off World Championships

1. The Definition of a Pun 
A pun is the humorous use of a word or words in such a way as to suggest different meanings or applications, or words that have the same or nearly the same sounds, but with different meanings.

2. What is Not a Pun
If you are talking about railroads, “you’re off track” does not give berth to a pun. Why? Because track in the cliché refers to a railroad track. The usage of the word must differ from its original meaning.

3. A Pun Can Include a Set-Up 
To wit, when paired off in Punslingers with the topic of Politics, No Names (seemingly a good category for me until you discover my opponent grew up in DC as part of a politically-connected family and currently serves as a political pundit for a major DC media outlet), I was tapped out after about a dozen rounds. My tendency was to play off specific words/phrases--we’re setting a president here/Do you C-N-N anyone out there? (a holla to my alma mater). On the other hand, my oppunent used a stalling technique to develop a story that led up to a pun-chline.

Had I employed this technique, I might have issued the following in order to stay in the game:
--Remember that character from Cheers who used to sit on his barstool drinking beer all day? Well, I suppose if they call Boston the Red Sox Nation, they could call Cheers the nomination.
BTW, I was DQ’ed when I mentioned that my 80-year-old boyfriend had electoral dysfunction because electoral had already been exercised. Rather anti-climatic.

4. Let’s Keep It Clean, People 
Use of coy double entendres is fine (as in electoral dysfunction above). But anything too blatant is met with derision at the Pun-Off, which, after all, is a family affair.

5. There's No Apologizing in Punditry
In the words of Gary Hallock, punmeister extraordinaire and emcee of the Pun-Off, a lovely pun means never having to say you’re sorry. If you have to apologize for a pun, it probably isn’t worthy. Hallock notes, “When someone adds ‘no pun intended‘ to a quip, I say, ‘none taken’ because it couldn’t have been much of a pun in the first place."

6. Pacing is Primary 
After reading my punditry on the written page after the fact, one judge, while noting its brilliance (!), suggested I simply had too many puns (63) in a 120-secord monologue. As a result, there was no time for the pungent, pregnant pause in the spoken version, quite necessary for a complex pun to sink in.

7. Stick to the Basics
It helps to pun in recognizable English. Riffs on familiar references--like States or Cheese --won the day. My piece was on Russia, or more specifically, the Soviet Union and its empire. Therefore, some puns (Soyuz, Mir-ly) may have been unrecognized or misunderstood, while other wordplay (he was good at his korbut a little off balance, a Sista‘ Solzhenitzyn moment) may have been a bit dated.

8. Brilliant Writing Doesn't Always Translate to Oral Pun Linguistics
Written punditry is different from oral punditry. He wouldn’t steppe up to the plate, when we can stair at it on the page, clearly shows punditry on the Russian theme. However, spoken, it just sounds like step. Same goes for finnished.  And Y’altallinn you, which cleverly combines Yalta and Tallinn in one fine pun, doesn’t pact the same punch in spoken English.

9. Sometimes you can be too punny for your own good.

Don't Mess With Texas

Coincidentally, this Hotel F and B article about messin' with Texas breakfast comes out during the same weekend I am competing in the National Pun-Off in Austin. 

Living in a Material World

wientourismus

It’s the summer of fashion. In New York, in Denver, and in Vienna, special exhibits and events spin yarns about the history of fashion and its connection to the world of art. Even non-fashionistas will cotton to the presentations.


Starting May 10, the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute stitches together common threads from the material of two famous Italian designers. Schiaparelli and Prada-Impossible Conversations focuses on the correlation between two influential, eccentric, and innovative female designers of eras past and present.


The exhibition showcases more than 100 designs and accessories by Elsa Schiaparelli  (who worked mainly in France from the late 1920s to the early 1950s) and by Miuccia Prada (late 1980s to the present). Signature objects by both designers will be arranged in seven themed galleries: "Waist Up/Waist Down," "Ugly Chic," "Hard Chic," "Naïf Chic," "The Classical Body," "The Exotic Body," and "The Surreal Body."


In conjunction with the exhibit, Kimpton’s 70 Park Avenue Hotel has a Vintage to Vogue package including a room night, two tickets to the exhibit, and two Italian-inspired cocktails upon arrival. The deal starts at $309 a night, excluding taxes, and runs through August 19, when the exhibit closes. For details, visit http://www.70parkave.com/ and use the code PVOGUE.

The Met notwithstanding, the country’s biggest fashion exhibit this year is Yves Saint Laurent: The Retrospective, making its only U.S. appearance at the Denver Art Museum (DAM). The fabric of The Retrospective features a stunning selection of 200 haute couture garments along with numerous photographs, drawings, and films illustrating the arc of Saint Laurent's career from the late 1950s to the early 2000s.

Yves Saint Laurent (YSL) was the first designer to use menswear as an inspiration for women's clothing--from the safari jacket to the tuxedo. The 1960s fashion innovations both reflected and sparked the growing power of women during that decade. 


The designer was also influenced by exotic costumes from the Maghreb, Russia and China. Artistic influences ranged from Degas to Picasso to Mondrian.


Many fashion snobs are hemming and hawing about the fact that this show, which was the talk of the town in Paris a couple of years ago, ended up in Denver. To paraphrase YSL representatives, it seams (sic) that DAM sewed it up simply because it made the request. Plus, the museum does have an extensive collection of European and American 20th Century design and textiles are a growing focal point. So, the Saint Laurent show was a natural fit. 


There’s a great deal more to do in Denver than the DAM. So, spend a night or two with one of a dozen hotel packages featuring VIP front-of-the line tickets and other special amenities. Visit http://www.ysldenver.com/ for full details on Yves Saint Laurent hotel packages. The show only runs through July 8, so book your tickets to Denver soon.



Meanwhile, across the Atlantic, fashion struts its stuff in Vienna's Museum Quarter. The city's Summer of Fashion, taking place from mid-June through mid-September, is filled with  exhibitions, fashion shows and markets, and exclusive tours weaving the worlds of style and art.


The flagship exhibit is "Reflection Fashion" at the Museum of Modern Art. But other Viennese institutions are jumping onto the catwalk as well. For example, The Architecture Museum is hosting city tours on Architecture, Fashion & Design, while the Natural History Museum is actually staging a fashion show.  And the Vienna Museum is offering exclusive tours through its extensive fashion collection, which is generally not open to the public. 


 For more details on these stylish goings-on, check out the May 10 edition (@ 44 minutes in) of Around the World.

Laura Talks New International Flights on Let's Talk Live

If you can manage to ignore what seems to be a big clump of bed head on the side of my noggin, I think you will find the mane (sic) points of this segment quite informative. For more details on the discussion, see this blog post.

9 Things to Know Before Visiting Boulder

Boulder rocks. It's the home of the University of Colorado, Celestial Seasonings Tea, and many a six-pack (some micro-brewed; others imprinted on the abs of the burg's abundant uber-athletes). But if you dig beneath the surface, there's plenty more on tap in this idyllic small city....at least 9 things, not to be exact.    

1. Boulder is ranked as the happiest and healthiest city in the United States by the Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index. And why not? It's among Bicycling's top three places for pedaling. National Geographic Traveler says it's one of the country's top ten best places to spend the winter. Portfolio calls it "America's Brainiest City" and several pubs rank Boulder a top town for beer, for wine, for foodies, and for art snobs. 

2. On the other hand, GQ calls out Boulder for being among the country's worst-dressed cities. However, in the diss is a compliment. For in its fashion police citation, GQ does add that, due to its fine fitness fettle, this is a place where the worst-dressed look best.....naked.

3. No, I'm not going to go all naked spa on you now. Instead, I will follow up on the worst-dressed riff by noting that the Crocs company started here. And Boulder is currently the gator-way to the world's largest Crocs collection. You can buy Crocs sandals, Crocs sneakers, Crocs God-awful gardening clogs, or Crocs accessories (like this hat, marked for ages 2 to 4) at the Crocs store on the Pearl Street Mall. 

4. Aside from the blot which is Crocs, the Pearl Street Mall is a gem. Please note: This is not a shopping mall per se, although you certainly can shop here for anything from apparel to Zuni fetishes. Dubbed Boulder's Living Room, Pearl Street is a four-block pedestrian way that is home to more than 100 shops, restaurants and art galleries. Most are locally-owned. It's the perfect place to people-watch or take in a street performance. 

5. Pearl Street is an ace place to scout out local characters, but it's not the only place you'll find the wild cards. Head over to the Chatauqua National Historic Landmark and hunt down Mountain Man Jake over at the Visitors Center. Dude is actually an ordained rabbi who sports a (Jewish) star on his shawl and who wears, under his ten-gallon hat, a pint-sized yarmulke. MMJ will regale you with tales of the Old West, and, if you are interested, of the Wild West's wandering Jews. Talk about a Rocky Mountain Chai (as in the Hebrew character, not the tea).

Obviously, though, there's more to Boulder's unorthodox cast of characters than wayward Jews. Track down Zip Code Man, who wanders around downtown dispensing pearls of wisdom regarding your favorite five-digit number. Banjo Billy's bus tour provides the inside skinny on the town's scandalous denizens. And fans of Salvador Dali's facial hair will appreciate the upper lip follicles of one Phillippe Antoine, the moustachioed manager of Jill's at the St. Julien. 

6. Bars "R" Us.  One of the first gluten-free energy bars, the LARA Bar (now owned by General Mills) was invented in Boulder. Currently, there are at least three GF bars being formulated in Boulder by three busy bees. The three B's of Boulder are Beryl, Breeze and Barr, developers of Bobo Bars, Breeze Bars and TwoDegrees bars, respectively. That's right-- a woman named Barr makes bars. Coincidentally, I met Barr Hogen at the bar at The Kitchen, where she regaled me with stories of her time at Bard (no kidding).

7. Whether you are gluten-free, or vegan, or lactose-intolerant, Boulder's hundreds of restaurants will thrill. Almost every Italian cafe offers gluten-free pasta; vegetarians (and non-vegetarians) will love the Boulder Dushanbe Teahouse, along with scores of other Asian eateries; and breakfast eaters with just about any type of dietary restriction will be happy as a pancake at Snooze.


8. Sure, you can climb rocks or go mountain-biking here. But for the more sedate....or rather, for the more cerebral....get a science lesson at one of Boulder's three national labs. The National Center for Atmospheric Research (NCAR) studies air and auroras and other natural wonders of the atmosphere. Its headquarters is an architectural wonder, designed by one I.M. Pei. Tours are free and start at noon on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. 

The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) focuses on the ocean (naturally), the atmosphere, and the weather. In fact, the National Weather Service is under its domain. During a visit to NOAA's headquarters  in Boulder (open to the public on Tuesdays at 1:00 PM), you'll see the Space Weather Prediction Center, a National Weather Service Forecast Office, and the Science on a Sphere room.The last employs the latest technology to project planetary data (including storms, tsunamis, and climate change maps) onto a six-foot-in-diameter globe. Very cool.

Finally, meet the physicists at NIST, the National Institute of Standards and Technology. What's that, you ask? Well, it's complicated and you'll just have to take a tour (Tuesdays at 10 AM or Thursdays at 1 PM) to get a grasp of it. While at NIST, you'll learn about...and see...atomic clocks, along with all sorts of other precision measurement tools. And you'll get to test out the physics phrases you learned from The Big Bang Theory on NIST brainiacs. By the by, whenever you take a tour of a government facility, it's guaranteed you'll need your photo ID. 


9. The Boulder County Farmers Market is one of the best around. From April through October, you can find farmers, chefs and earthy artisans hanging out near Boulder's Central Park on Saturday mornings and Wednesday evenings. Eat, drink and be merry. 

I Heart Travel: The Video Edition

Greetings, Young Lovers.

Here is my Valentine's Day segment which aired on NewsChannel 8 in Washington, D.C. Enjoy and XOXO.

9 Things to Know Before Visiting Jerusalem

With so much to see and do in Jerusalem, one can easily be overcome. To make the most of your visit to the Holy City, follow my travel bible.

1. Plan to spend several days in Jerusalem. On Day One, wander without a map and without an agenda. It is only by navigating the maze that is the Old City that you will learn how to get around.

2. If you want to access the Temple Mount, and are not a Muslim, visiting times vary (but are usually restricted to three hours in the morning and one in the afternoon). The site is closed to visitors on Fridays and Saturdays. Non-Muslims are not allowed in the Dome of the Rock (see photo) nor the Al Aqsa Mosque. The main security entrance to the Western Wall is also the main entry point for non-Muslim Temple Mount visitors. The line for the Temple Mount is on the far right-hand side of the sidewalk. As the line moves slowly, get there at least 30 minutes early.

3. The only time to see the interior of the 12th-century Church of St. James in the Armenian Quarter is at 3 PM daily, when religious services are held.

4. Try to time your visit to Jerusalem so that you are there at the start of Shabbat. The Jewish Sabbath starts at sundown on Friday night. And that's when the Western Wall is transformed. Thousands of worshipers come to celebrate, commune, and pray. Do note, if you do come to the Western Wall area on the Sabbath (between sundown Friday night and sundown Saturday night), you are not allowed to take photographs.

5. If you can’t visit during Shabbat, go for a Monday or a Thursday. Those are the days reserved for Bar and Bat Mitzvahs at the Western Wall. So again, you have a hub of religious activity and fervor.

6. Go up ‘oer the ramparts of the Old City. Built by Sultan Suleiman the Magnificent in the XVIth Century, the ramparts built atop the city walls circumnavigate the city. However, you can't circumnavigate the city in one shot, as access to the ramparts by the Temple Mount is closed. As a result, there are two possible routes for a Ramparts Walk: The northern route, from Jaffa Gate to the Lions Gate or the southern route, which begins at the Tower of David and ends at the Dung Gate.

7. Go down below and explore the tunnels under the Western Wall Plaza. A 90-minute tunnel tour reveals hidden layers of history, including large blocks of the Western Wall. Advance reservations are required, but they can be made the same day.

8. There are several hostels that were originally designed to lodge pilgrims to the Holy City. Today, whether you are a religious pilgrim or merely a curious one, you can stay for a song at places like the Lutheran Guesthouse; the Austrian Hospice (complete with a café serving Viennese treats); and the low-budget Armenian Hostel (located smack dab on the Via Dolorosa). Or choose from two dozen other Christian guesthouses.

9. Like any crowded city, if you look like a tourist, you will be a target for hawkers and potential “lovers” (particularly if you are a Western female). I find that walking purposely, dressing modestly, and using abrupt, dismissive but polite no thank yous in the native language fend off most unwanted advances.

I Heart Travel

For those of you who watched my Travel Love Guru segments on television this week, here are links and information for the getaways and gizmos mentioned.

Valentine's Day/February Romantic Getaways in the Mid-Atlantic Region

Maryland:
Hyatt Regency Chesapeake Bay

The Four Seasons Baltimore

Virginia:
Colonial Williamsburg Romance Getaways and Historic Homes

The Goodstone Inn

Gizmos and Gadgets

Instead of paying inflated prices for a bottle of wine during your Valentine's Day getaway, BYOB and inflate a Vinnibag. Its compressed air chambers will keep packed bottles intact and packed clothing dry. $28

If you are rolling in a carry-on, you can't get more stylish than this bag from the performance-driven Tumi Ducati Evoluzione collection. $545 at www.tumi.com or Tumi stores.

Looking for a little his and hers action this Valentine's Day? What about matching high-end Royce Leather travel accessory bags? Made with fine grain Nappa leather, both versions have a waterproof lining and separate zipped compartments for liquids. His comes in black and tan ($115) and Hers comes in pearl pink, blue, green, and black ($95). Look for them on Amazon or at Brookstone stores.

A less expensive his and hers option is this red High Sierra Pack-N-Go Duffel . The duffel doubles as a backpack, and its carrying case transforms into a toiletry pouch. It's available at luggage stores and many major retailers, including Macy’s. $25-30

These little lunch carriers by KoKo will drive any girl cuckoo or to coo-coo. Adorable exteriors are teamed with insulated linings to keep hot things warm and cold things cool. And what else is cool--each bag comes with its own matching cutlery set. $20 For store information, go to www.cosmoda.com. In Washington, DC, Koko products can be found at Frager’s Hardware (Capitol Hill), Home Rule Inc (14th Street, NW), and Johnson’s Florist and Garden Center (Upper NW).

Finally, for something cozy and soft, the SeV Chloe Hoodie, lined in hot pink, will warm any woman's heart. Features include plush fleece cuffs with thumbholes and a dozen no-bulge pockets (with one especially designed for lipstick and another for an iPad). It's available at www.scottevest.com for $90.