9 Tips for Packing Light

It's the bane of every traveler's existence in these days of airline pay-for-packing schemes. How does one confine oneself, if at all possible, to a carry-on bag?  Here are some ideas. 

Prime Packing Tips

1. Pick a color scheme and stick to it. Many people choose black and white. I find that quite blah. Not to mention that once you spill something on those white pants, they are down for the count. Opt for basics in blue, chocolate brown, or green to stand out from the crowd. Having a color plan allows you to limit purses and shoes (see below).

2. Do the mix and match thing. If your skirts and pants sport patterns, bring solid tops. Make sure you can wear different tops with different bottoms to give the illusion of tripling the size of your wardrobe.

3. Thank goodness for accessories.  They can truly change the look of an outfit. Pop a belt over that flowing dress and you have a whole new silhouette. Those who are handy with scarves can find a million ways to change things up with one small piece of fabric.

4.  Jackets and sweaters can also alter a look. Just add a top layer to an outfit you have been wearing all day and voila, you have a new outfit. Plus, the new layer will serve to cover any stains, man-made or natural, that you may have acquired on your blouse during the day.

5. Ladies, since all of your clothing now mixes and matches, you only need one purse.

I do not recommend choosing
clogs as one of your
three pairs of shoes.

6.  Likewise, you will be able to stick to my famous Three Shoe Rule. Now, I am not saying you can only bring three shoes. But I am limiting you to three pairs of shoes--one for dress (heels); one for fashionable walking (comfy loafers or sandals or flat boots, depending on the season); and one (sneakers) for those workouts I know you do on the road..

7.  Pack lightweight, wrinkle-proof, hand-washable clothing.

8.  Use compression bags. Packing carry-on doesn't have to suck when you use these, because by sucking the air from the bag with a mini-vac, you can basically shrink-wrap your clothing--reducing bulk by half. Travelon Space Mates are also airtight, leak-proof, and cheap (2 for $15).

9. Wear your heaviest clothing (parkas, boots) on board. If you resemble the Michelin Man, so be it.

Alternative Uses for Everyday Products

Ever find yourself on the road and desperately in need of shoe polish or eye makeup remover or a tourniquet? Don’t worry--you don’t have to run out and buy anything. Just look in your packed luggage.

Let’s start in the oral area. Toothpaste isn’t just for brushing, anymore. Ever use a hotel iron only to find it has left awful stains on your wrinkled white pants? Next time, clean the gunk off the iron with toothpaste. Apply paste to a cool iron, wipe thoroughly, and voila, no more mess. Shoes scuffed? Same deal.

Next, let's examine our dental floss. Yes, we can use it to pick crumbs from between our teeth. But it can also serve as a line for hanging wet clothing; as a temporary shoelace: or it can be used to secure luggage zippers in place. Or say you check into a hotel with a drippy faucet, and no fix is in sight.Tie a long piece of floss around the spout and let it hang down into the basin. The dripping water will slide along the floss, eliminating the loud plunk, plunk that may keep you awake at night.

Hair conditioner has multiple uses aside from keeping your tresses smooth and untangled. And since most hotels stock it as an amenity, you don’t even have to pack it to get its benefits. You can use conditioner to:

1. Remove eye makeup

2. Soften makeup brushes

3. Loosen sticky zippers (apply lotion to tracks of the zipper)

Don’t worry, guys, I am getting to you, too…

4. Shave and

5. Remove a stuck ring from your finger. However, gentlemen, note I do not condone this if you are merely removing a stuck wedding ring in the effort to appear single while traveling.
 

Tampons not only function for their original usage, but can have life-saving applications as well. Obviously, guys will have to go out pre-trip to buy tampons. No bloody way? Listen up. Outdoorsy types swear by the feminine hygiene product as a multi-use lifesaver. Among the first-aid benefits:

1. Unroll the tampon and inside you’ll find an ultra-absorbent material perfect for an improvised dressing for a manly wound.

2. If you are in the middle of the woods and suffering from dehydration, the tampon can serve as an emergency water filter. It may not clear out all the bugs and whistles, but in a pinch, a tampon filter could allow you to drink enough pure-enough water to save your life.

3. And yes, in case you get your nose broken in a manly fight, tampons are perfect for stopping up the blood flow.

Traveling Chill

'Tis a far, far better thing to travel with a chill attitude than to get bent out of shape about flight delays, missed connections, and checked luggage with the potential to go AWOL. To wit, today I was awakened from my Idaho beauty sleep by a 4:50 AM MDT wake-up call. By 5:03 AM, I was on a shuttle to the Boise airport to catch a 6:19 AM flight.This would put me in Denver with two hours to spare before a flight to National (DCA) in Washington, DC. Alas, at 5:10 AM, already on my way to the airport, a message came from United saying the first flight had been delayed an hour. Knowing that I had cut it close to make the 6:19 flight, and knowing that I still had an hour to connect in Denver, I actually breathed a sigh of relief.

But as the delay stretched to 8:00 and then 8:30, I knew, intrepid veteran travel journalist that I am, I needed a Plan B to get to DC. There were no other non-stops to DCA, so I investigated non-stops to Dulles (IAD). While getting home from IAD costs $77 by taxi versus $5.00 on Metro from DCA, my first choice was still an IAD non-stop versus a one-stop to DCA through Chicago arriving five hours later.

However, choosing another airport could create a wrinkle which would cause most to furrow a brow. You see, I had checked luggage. Normally. I would travel solely with a carry-on for a nine-day trip. But as I was heading to snowy Sun Valley, I had to bring three pairs of boots (one Cowboy, one pair of knee-high Uggs, and one pair of sexy heels), plus a pair of flip-flops which doubled as workout shoes. Confused? Just suffice to say that the heavy-duty footwear would not enable me to fit in my carry-on. Nor would it allow my wardrobe to fit in there, either.

And so, la dilemma. Where would my checked bag go if I went to another airport at the last minute? Would it go to DCA? Would it make it to IAD? Or would it end up spending quality time at Denver International? For all I knew, there was a possibility it could enjoy an exotic trip to China. Frankly, whatever way United opted to orient my luggage, well, I just didn't care.

Now, I grant you, I was heading home, so it was easier to be chill about being sans luggage than if I were outbound. Then again, most people, had they had the adventure with United's missing luggage department as described in the link above, would not be so easy breezy. But looking like a Cover Girl (wearing a leather skirt and aforementioned sexy boots), I had to maintain my nonplussed mien, even upon discovering in Denver that I indeed missed my DCA flight. A useless gate agent directed me toward a long line at customer service, but I bypassed the advice and said line, by marching my sexy boots right over to Gate 43, from which Plan B was launched.

Dressed for success, I made the flight just as it was boarding. True, I was assigned a middle seat. But, it was in the Economy Super-Plus section. so I was happy as a potato. As I write this prose, I am in-flight and not a bit peckish about my bag. If it shows, it shows. If it doesn't, hasta manana. And that, mis amigos, is what traveling chill is all about.

Postscript IAD 6 PM EDT: I don't know how this happened, but the bag made my flight.

From Sea to Shining Sea

When is all-inclusive not all-inclusive? When the term is used in cruise advertising. Thanks to a chart developed by All Things Cruise, we can now compare apples to oranges.

For example, it's a common misconception that your cruise price includes alcoholic drinks. Au contraire, Pierre. The chart shows that drinking isn't free on most ships, nor are gratuities and land excursions usually included in the base price.

Studying the chart, which compares the offerings of more than 30 cruise lines, leads to several interesting conclusions. Smaller ships tend offer more "freebies" than large ships do. For example, as ATC notes, the only amenity included on Carnival ships is 24-hour room service. Meantime, AMA Waterways and European Waterways, which operate small river-cruising vessels, include both land excursions and wine and cocktails with dinner. Scenic, Seabourn and Silversea appear to be the most generous in terms of their included amenities. Of course, these lines do have a more expensive base price. But as you realistically budget for a cruise, it is important to know how much extra you will need to pay in order to have the experience you expect to have, without being nickel and dimed.

As the embed code for sharing this information resulted in a chart containing cruise ship cabin-sized font (read teeny-tiny), please click here for a reader-friendly grid.

Places to Go and Things to Do in the New Year

Where in the world will you go this year? If you are following trends, you will be getting off the beaten path in search of adventure and the exotic. Forget sun and sand. Be part of the avant-garde cognescenti.

The lure of forbidden lands is beckoning this year--even though it seems there are getting to be fewer and fewer of those places on the list. Before the fall of the Berlin Wall, Eastern Europe and the USSR were considered--if not verboten for travelers--then certainly alien. Prior to the mid-1980s, the same held for China. And then there have always been places that are the geographic equivalents of personae non gratae due to political reasons--including South Africa during apartheid, Burma until last year, and perhaps Iran even now.

In talking forbidden lands, I am not recommending war zones. Rather, I am talking about the axis of exotic--Burma (Myanmar), Cuba and North Korea.

Now that the government of Burma has finally chilled out, and long-time opposition leader and Nobel Peace Prize winner Aung San Suu Kyi is not only out from under house arrest, but sitting in the Houses of Parliament, more Americans are open to visiting the country. And Burma is reciprocating by opening the doors to what was formerly a country largely shut off from the rest of the world.

Visas are becoming easier to acquire--back in 1997, when I visited, it took months to get a visa and I could not list my occupation as journalist. At least 50 new hotels are being built to meet the demand, and more tour companies are adding Burma to their itineraries. Given the pent-up demand that built during the decades of dictatorship, tourism officials in Burma are expecting a doubling of tourist arrivals by 2016.

It's a hot spot, for sure, but it's still a place where you can still step back in time. No McDonald's, no KFC, spotty Wi-Fi, etc. So, if you visit in the next year or two, you will largely experience what I did 15 years ago, albeit with construction cranes replacing the large billboards broadcasting the People's Desires, as outlined by the former junta.


Burma is a land unspoiled by mass tourism. When I visited, I was struck by the beauty of the countryside and the gentle nature of the people. Still, back then, paranoia was rampant and getting the locals to talk was a challenge. But now, I imagine, tourists will find it a fascinating time to chat up a Burmese population experiencing elevated levels of freedom of speech for the first time in years.

You won’t necessarily find such freedom of speech in Cuba and North Korea, but those countries, too, are high on the interest list. Cuba, of course, has been open to the rest of the world forever, but it’s been restricted to Americans since 1961. And the fact is, Americans can travel legally to Cuba--it’s just that they will be breaking federal law if they spend money there.

Nonetheless, most Americans who want to go to Cuba can travel there freely, as long as they go under the auspices of a licensed tour company. For awhile last year, those licenses were lifted--one could blame presidential politics and the Florida vote--but they have been reinstated and so you can go without breaking any laws. North Korea is also legal, and if you go there, you will definitely have bragging rights as being among the few who have braved the Hermit Kingdom, a place where time stands still...or runs backward.

Laura Talks New International Flights on Let's Talk Live

If you can manage to ignore what seems to be a big clump of bed head on the side of my noggin, I think you will find the mane (sic) points of this segment quite informative. For more details on the discussion, see this blog post.

Daily Suitcase on Suitcases

The long-awaited clip from the WUSA-TV segment in December.

Where To Go This Winter*

Thanks to climate change, it's likely that this winter is once again going to be long and brutal. Even the hardiest cold-weather enthusiast is likely, at some point, to be driven to get the heck out of Dodge. And if Punxsutawney Phil decides the cold will extend six weeks beyond Groundhog Day, a winter getaway will go from a maybe to a must.

From January through March, people usually seek out the sun. Naturally, thoughts turn first to islands or cruising. But don’t forget, if you go south of the border….south to the Southern Hemisphere that is….it’s summertime. South America is often overlooked as a winter destination, but with archaeological treasures like Machu Picchu and Easter Island, along with natural wonders like Iguazú Falls and the Galapagos Islands, it’s a continent that should definitely be placed on the map of winter possibilities.
While flights to South American countries can be lengthy, jet lag is rarely an issue, as the continent shares most time zones with the United States.

If you don’t want to go beyond the equatorial beltway, however, a tropical escape to the Caribbean or Hawaii can be the perfect elixir to whatever SAD symptoms you may be feeling. Aside from escaping the cold, another advantage of traveling to islands in January and February is a lack of crowds and shoulder season rates. Even five-star resorts are known to discount during these months, which fall between the busy holiday travel season and spring break.

The same season delivers value on the high seas. The big news in cruising these days is the proliferation of home ports outside of Florida. That is particularly helpful in the winter, as cruisers can avoid the potential of airport delays by driving directly to their ship of dreams. On the East Coast, winter port options now extend from Florida to Charleston, South Carolina to as far north as New York City (with Baltimore in between). Most of the ships sailing from these ports during the winter are Bahamas-bound. If you want to sail farther into the Caribbean, the Florida ports are still the best option, although there are also winter trips scheduled out of Galveston, Texas.

Winter golf getaways are par for the course in some of the country’s southernmost states. If you want to shoot for a multi-sport winter getaway, remember that it’s easy to hit the greens and then sample the succulent fruits of baseball during Grapefruit League season in Florida and Cactus League season in Arizona.

Of course, for some folks, a winter sports vacation can only mean one thing--skiing. The good news about ski resorts in places like Colorado, Utah and Idaho is that while the weather is cold, it’s also generally sunny and dry. So the cold doesn’t feel as intense. If you want to go to a legendary ski resort without the crowds, Sun Valley, Idaho may be America’s best-kept secret. Although it lays claim to being the country’s very first ski resort (thank you, Averill Harriman, circa 1936) and a former mecca for Hollywood movie stars (circa the 1940s and 1950s), most folks nowadays find it challenging to locate on a map. While the Hollywood scene is far more low-key these days, star power still exists in the form of present and former winter Olympians who call the town home. And if these moguls of the mountains consider Sun Valley a gold medal winter sports destination, the peak is worth the trip.

*A version of this article appears in The Weekly Standard's December 19 issue.

Laura on TV: Refreshing Regional Getaways

My most recent Washington, DC TV segment on refreshing, regional getaways.



Links to the places suggested are listed in yesterday's post.

And just for vanity's sake, here's a Valentine's Day segment in which my hair is unaffected by summertime humidity.

Me and USA Today, Together Again

USA Today's Great American Outdoors summer travel series features me as Ms. DC. This week, USA Today offers suggestions for great hikes around the U.S. of A. Note that I am limited to the confines of Washington, as Ms. Maryland and Ms. Virginia lay claim to their respective states.

Here's the unedited version of my capital suggestion:

Looking to cool off with a summer hike? Tree-canopied Rock Creek Park provides a (relatively) temperate setting for a rugged DC constitutional. The country's largest urban park (at more than 1,700 acres) has two main trails for serious hikers which incorporate hills, dales, babbling brooks, and waterfalls. Meantime, casual hikers or bikers or inline skaters should wander over on weekends, when Beach Drive, the main thoroughfare through the park, is closed to motorized traffic.

Laura Powell reports on travel for several DC television stations and blogs at www.dailysuitcase.com.

Laura on TV

Hilton, Groupon and Microsoft recently hired me to present some of their new products as part of a summer travel satellite media tour. The video seen below is a one-take, unscripted taped round-up of the segment. Actual live interviews with television stations will be posted when available.

See the USA in USA Today/DC

USA Today has asked me to be the DC contributor to its upcoming "Best Drives in the USA" series. Restricted to the confines of the nation's capital, my selection of scenic drives was fairly limited. Here's what I have come up with. If you have other ideas, please let me know.

The best drive in the nation's capital is relatively short, only about five miles, and can be done by car or by bike. Either way, you'll need headlights, as this is a nighttime jaunt.

Seeing Washington's shining icons lit up against a dark sky is a reminder of the Founding Fathers' visions for this country. Wait until sundown and then wander over to the base of Memorial Bridge, just behind the Lincoln Memorial. Drive past Abe and then veer right and north. On your right, you'll get a glimpse of the Thomas Jefferson Memorial looming over the shimmering waters of the Tidal Basin. As you drive up Independence and jog over to Jefferson Drive, the Capitol will rise before you. Once you approach the Capitol, drive behind and around or right in front via 3rd Street. Next, circle back on Madison Drive, which takes you past the National Gallery of Art and the Smithsonian Museums of Natural History and American History. As you pass the museums, make sure to look ahead, as you'll get a full frontal view of the Washington Monument. Then swing over to Constitution to get a profile of the imposing obelisk and a glimpse (on your right) of the White House. Finish up by driving back to the Lincoln Memorial. Emancipate yourself of your vehicle and pay your respects to Abe. Then, sit on his steps and survey the entire Mall from his illustrious vantage point.

Image courtesy of Destination DC

Greetings From Snowy Sun Valley

The calendar may say spring, but here in Sun Valley and Ketchum, we are still in the midst of ski season. 31 inches this weekend and another foot or two expected today.
But spring is coming soon and that's the season I have been chatting about on Around the World radio.

In case you are interested, here are a few links for more information:

General Visitor Information for Sun Valley and Ketchum: www.visitsunvalley.com
Sun Valley Resort: www.sunvalley.com
Aston Hotels & Resorts (for condo rentals): www.aston.com

More coverage on the area to come on this blog, including Orbiting Sun Valley for Free: Ketchum: The New Cougartown; and Good Eats. And watch this space for more information on my Sun Valley/Ketchum app, which will be "published" in May.

Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum: How to Avoid Paying for Checked Bags

Tired of paying $15 or $25 or $50 for checking your bag prior to a flight? Well, you no longer have to be a member of the military, fly Southwest, or pony up for a first-class seat to check a bag or two for free. Here's the scoop.

First, consider credit cards that are affiliated with airlines. Now, some such cards only give you frequent flyer miles for every dollar charged. But two, the Delta SkyMiles American Express Card and the Continental OnePass Chase Mastercard, also allow their carriers to fly their bags for free. The actual terms: One bag free per passenger for up to nine people per reservation. The Delta card has a $95 annual fee, while the Continental card costs $85, but both waive the fee for first-year cardholders. If you fly frequently on Delta or Continental, the price, even after the first complimentary year, may be right. However, if you tend to carry a balance on your credit cards, beware. Interest rates do tend to be higher on co-branded cards.

If you usually travel in large packs, United’s Premier Baggage might be of interest. For a $349 annual fee, you can check up to two bags per passenger for free on any United flight--domestic or international. The waiver applies to up to nine people traveling together under the same confirmation number.

If you are a United Premier Baggage member or a Continental OnePass cardholder, check throughout the year to assess how these programs are being affected by the merger of the two carriers. Currently, for example, flights and passenger-reward programs are operating independently. As the year progresses, though, the United-Continental marriage will come closer to fruition and more terms of the pre-nuptial agreement will come into effect.

Finally, during the past year, several hotel companies been running promotions offering to reimburse guests for airline bag fees. The most recent deal is from Intercontinental Hotels Group. Through April 30, guests can get up to $100 back in baggage fees whenever they book a two-night weekend stay at any of the company’s properties. That includes Holiday Inns, Crowne Plazas, and, of course, Intercontinental Hotels.

Suites for Sweethearts; Rooms for Romeos

For those who watched the travel segment today on TBD TV, more information on various Valentine’s Day deals within 200 miles (or so) of Washington, DC can be found by clicking the links below:

Kimpton Hotels (for Valentine’s Day deal, enter ROBES in the rate box)
Washington Court Hotel, Washington, DC
Inn at Perry Cabin, St. Michaels, Maryland
Keswick Hall, Charlottesville, Virginia
The Boar's Head, Charlottesville, Virginia
The Homestead, Hot Springs, Virginia
Omni Bedford Springs Resort, Bedford Springs, Pennsylvania

Morning Delights

Given that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, it follows that I must be the most important contributing columnist at Hotel F & B. Why, you ask? Because I am the pub's saucy breakfast editor. For a sampling of my tasty morsels, dig in.

The Audacity of Grope

Now, dear readers, as someone who travels for a living, I realize that going through airport security isn’t a barrel of monkeys. But when I read about groups going ape about full-body scanning machines, or farcockt factions calling for travel boycotts to avoid Transportation Security Administration (TSA) pat-downs, I say get over it.

My ire is currently aimed at the inane idea of Opt Out Day (I shall not deign to dignify the premise with a link). Opt Out organizers want to make November 24...the day before Thanksgiving...the time when passengers just say no to advanced imaging machines, aka virtual body scans. Ah, brilliant. Encourage people to hold up security lines on the busiest travel day of the year. That'll work like a charm, I'm sure.

There is an option, of course, for opting out of the scanner. However, the full-body pat-down opens a whole new can of worms for civil libertarians and harried passengers who say the touching is too much.

Hence, another protest group, called wewontfly.com, is asking its sympathizers to reject the pat-downs. Prima facie evidence of this group's acumen: Its website equates pat-downs with groping and suggests "jamming TSA checkpoints...until they remove the porno-scanners." Porno-scanners? Really?

"It is irresponsible for a group to suggest travelers opt out of the very screening that could prevent an attack using non-metallic explosives," TSA Administrator John S. Pistole says (as quoted in the Washington Post). "This technology is not only safe, it's vital to aviation security and a critical measure to thwart potential terrorist attacks."

I agree. The choice between an overly-friendly pat-down or a body scanner that might reveal a blurred image of one’s privates to a solitary TSA agent versus being blown up in an airplane seems like a no-brainer to me.

Seems logical to the American Association for Nude Recreation (AANR) as well. The group can barely contain its excitement about the technology. “Put it in perspective, America,” an AANR press release says. “Allowing body scanners aids in travel safety and security, which is far more important than parochial concerns over a scanned image of a clothed body.” AANR’s executive director suggests imagining imaging as “a virtual skinny dip, something regarded as American as apple pie since before Norman Rockwell. (Then), everyone wins in the name of better air travel security.” Good points all (though it does give me pause to agree with a group that promotes nudist vacations as the ultimate way to avoid baggage fees).

Now, there are some arguments against scanners and pat-downs that I might buy. For example, some people are concerned with possible radiation being emitted by the scanners. I can't comment knowledgeably on that, given that I am not a scientist. Some true believers and some who are truly prudish balk at being patted down. But instead of pitching a fit, those groups can walk through a scanner.

Then there are the political theories. To wit, some say pat-downs and scanners are merely window dressing/government propaganda, and that the real evil-doers will always be one step ahead of our security systems. And there's the noted nexus between high-level DC insiders, like ex-Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff, who are touting scanners as the ultimate security option, and the manufacturers of whole body imaging machines. It's a crowded lobby, indeed.

Of course, on the other side of the coin is one Mr. Ralph Nader. The consumer activist and former presidential candidate is getting his Nader’s crusaders to take an anti-scanner stance. Now, there’s a Morton’s Fork...self-interested politicians versus the guy who screwed up the 2000 election.

Nearly 500 scanners will be in U.S. airports by the end of the year, Another 500 are expected to be installed next year. Ultimately, TSA plans to have the machines replace metal detectors at nearly every airport checkpoint. So, in the 2000-teens, body imaging is going to be a fact of life. As for pat-downs, I truly doubt they are designed to provide TSA employees with a cheap thrill. That said, if a guard is the subject of frequent complaints, he or she should be retrained or reassigned to patting down cargo packages.

Perhaps a better idea is to get robots on the case. After all, if you can train Cody to give a sponge bath, scientists should be able to develop a robot that can render a reliable rubdown.

Pssst, Your Routes are Showing

Many Washingtonians are currently yearning to get out of Dodge, due to either the political or the natural climate. If you are one of the throngs, check out these new nonstop routes between DC and anywhere-but-here.

Gobble It Up

As a special Thanksgiving treat, Turkey is now on the menu for Washington, DC pilgrims who prefer their travel nonstop. Turkish Airlines is providing service from Washington Dulles to Istanbul four times a week starting on Saturday, November 6. The introductory one-way fare of $751 will be gobbled up fast, so book now.

Sunny Days

With Washington expected to be at loggerheads this winter, there's no better time to take off to the Caribbean. Between December 18 and April 30, Cayman Airways is bringing back twice-a-week nonstop service between Dulles and sunny Grand Cayman. Aside from the Caribbean beaches, you can visit one of the world's biggest turtle farms. No loggerheads there, just green sea chelonians. Book now and you'll only have to shell out $238 for a roundtrip ticket.

Ice, Ice, Baby

Want to go somewhere where the economy is worse than ours? Then Iceland may be your cup of tea. Icelandair begins its summer service from Dulles in May, 2011. Due to the low value of the Icelandic Krona, the country is a one hail of a deal...definitely one of the best bargains in Europe. Roundtrips to Reykjavik start as low as $429. Mind you, that's just the tip of the iceberg, as you have to add taxes and fees. But still, the trip can cost less than $700....a small chunk of change for high season travel.

The Naked Truth: Undressed to the Neins Part II

The German spa experience is quite different from its American counterpart. Across the pond, it’s about taking the waters, relaxing, and invigorating all of one's senses (to wit, many German spas actually have concert halls where one can enjoy the sound of music in the quest to lower one's blood pressure. Quite civilized, that). Pampering and prissy treatments are verboten. Also, most spa facilities are not located within hotels or resorts, but are community centers for all who seek to unwind.

That preamble out of the way, let us return to our tale of the Naked Spa of Bad Fussing. I am traveling with a quintet of women of a certain age, including a statuesque guide of German and French Guianan descent. Given her height, her exotic skin color, and her status as an ex-model, she diverts the attention of all wandering eyes. Therefore, I suppose she is also acting as our bodyguard. Ah, Isabelle, I shall always love you.

We enter a facility that seems somewhat antiseptic, like a sanitarium of yore…not to imply that I intimately know what a sanitarium of yore looks like. (This reminds me of a recent conversation with someone who had taken a tour of an insane asylum back when political correctness had not invaded our language. Said “tourist” mentioned her guide was a schizophrenic. To which I replied, “At least you got both sides of the story.”)

Apologies for the digression. I know you are probably sitting at the edge of your seat waiting for the Naked Spa story. And naked truth be told, we were sitting at the edges of our seats naked in the honey-baked sauna. But I get ahead of myself.

The first clue that something might be amiss was in the changing area. While our little group changed into our bloomers (swimsuits were required for the pool area), we noticed men...and children...walking right on by. Here we were, buck naked (ring a bell, Seinfeld fans?), and parades of Germans were marching past. Enjoy the cabaret, mein herrs.

To warm up, three of us took part in a water aerobics session, set to a tune that was a fusion of bad 1980s Euro-disco (I know, that's redundant) and an alpine yodel. Next, our intrepid quintet made its way to the sauna garden. There, Isabelle knocked up the Sauna Meister. Apparently, Sauna Meister is a full-time job in Germany ("...and what do you want to be when you grow up, little Helmut?"). The Sauna Meister gave us the skinny on Naked Spa activities (in the name of journalistic accuracy, I should mention that the facility was actually called Thermae I).

The first sticky situation reared its head as we entered the Honegspeeleng (the honey sauna). This was the point at which we fully realized we not only had to lose our outerwear, but our towel wraps as well. Frankly, there was no choice. With the sauna room packed cheek to cheek, it became quite apparent that we would poke out like sore thumbs (or something) if we remained clad.

Thus we sat, a co-ed group of 40 naked people, with nary a washboard ab in sight. Within minutes, the Sauna Meister cometh. For those trying to picture the scene (and please leave me out of it if you are), the Sauna Meister was not naked. Nor was he wearing a Speedo, so his status as a bearer of washboard abs is in question. No, it was a fully-clothed Sauna Meister who came in bearing pots of honey. He passed them out and everyone proceeded to slather themselves and their neighbor. Isabelle advised we naifs that the honey should not be rubbed on die scheide.

After the honey mixed with sauna-induced sweat, lo and beehold, we were all detoxified. After leaving the sauna, the next step was to cool off with a naked foot bath. I had the pleasure of taking mine next to an incessant hummer (to clarify for readers of the Urban Dictionary, please note that said man was merely singing without words).

As for the rest of the afternoon, we got naked again, yadda, yadda, yadda, and then we left the premises. Seriously, after being naked for so long, it blurs altogether.

Now, lest this scare you off a spa trip to Germany, be advised that all spas aren’t naked spas. In fact, at the next place we visited, the Wellness-Hotel Sonnegut in Bad Birnbach, swimsuits were de rigueur. And interestingly enough, the bodies in those swimsuits were much more fit than the naked bodies at Thermae 1 (not that I was looking, mind you). Go figure.

Great Vacation Ideas

Pondering where to go on your next adventure? U.S. News offers advice from top travel pros, including me. Bon voyage.