Learning Russian Fast-Food Style

Now that we have covered the basic Cyrillic alphabet, let's proceed to a reading lesson. I chose to spend my one free day in Moscow last May wandering the Arbat and silently phonetically mouthing out the names of familiar fast food franchises. I highly recommend this strategy for those trying to learn the seemingly impenetrable Iron Curtain that is Cyrillic.

First, we visit McDonalds. This one is easy, right? MAK=MAC. The fourth character looks like the Greek delta Δ--which is D. O becomes an A sound in Russian when the syllable is unstressed, so we've got DO. In our previous lesson, we learned that H =N, so HA is NA. The third to last character is the Cyrillic version of L. Then we are back to delta, and C=S. What does it spell? McDonalds.

Very good. Now, let's get a cup of KOФE. Note the third letter, which looks the same as the Greek version of F (phi). Sound it out. You have coffee. Excellent. But where to get our coffee? Perhaps CTAPБAKC.

Now we need a doughnut to accompany our coffee. We do not get coffee at the pink and orange establishment above, because we cannot read the sign that says "Coffee & More". After all, we are reading in Russian. But ДAHKИH ДOHATC sounds Дelicious. To translate, we need to close the one hole in our doughnut sign literacy.  И =ee. Hence, Dahnkeen Donahtc. Close enough.

Let's moo-ve/MYB (merely a transliteration) on. 

MY MY, or Moo Moo, is a popular fast food chain in Moscow. If you can't read the Cyrillic, just look for the black and white корова.

Finally, let's wash this all done with a bottle of BOДA. B=V. The O sounds like A, due to the stress. Voila, Vahdah. Let's take a sip and call it a day/ДEHb. 

Learning Russian: An Olympian Feat

I have been taking Russian for the past three weeks. Actually, full disclosure, as I am not trying to be a K-G-Beast, I took an introductory class three years ago, but I didn't get high marx. In fact, I never got beyond learning the ABC's...or in the case of the Cyrillic alphabet, the AБB's.

www.thegrissom-gram.blogspot.com

 My knowledge of that alphabet was enhanced by

 last year's trip to Russia, where I putin free time

 attempting to read restaurant (pectopah) signs. 

I will detail that exercise and my steppe-by-steppe progress 
in Russian classes in upcoming posts. Meantime,
for those confused by the order of the Parade of Nations 
at the Sochi Opening Ceremony, let me attempt to 
explain, given my rudimentary knowledge of Cyrillic.
I hope it will be godunov for you.

As you can see from the chart above, Cyrillic has a variety of 
characters. Some look familiar to those who know English; 
some look familiar to those who know Greek (pi); 
and others look downright unfamiliar.

Further mucking up the works is that many of the letters that look 
familiar are not pronounced the way we think they should be. 
B=V; P=R and H=N. Our B is the Russian Б (sort of); 
our P is the character that looks like pi П; and our H does exist. 

And don't even get me started on Ч, Ш, Щ or the bI.

Transliteration: Blini

So, let's refer back to the chart above. Because B which actually 
sounds like V is the third letter of the Cyrillic alphabet, 
Venezuela (Венесуэла) and the Virgin Islands (in the Winter Olympics?) 
were near the beginning of the parade and the Czech Republic (Чехия) and Chile (Чили), featuring that damned Ч (sound similar to the ch in chai), were near the end. Jamaica (Ямайка) and Japan (Япония) were the last to enter alphabetically. As is tradition, the host country  Россия, came last.

By the way, for fans of the Olympics Cold War style, remember the CCCP worn by Olga Korbut and her ilk? It stands for Сою́з Сове́тских Социалисти́ческих Респу́блик. Gogol it.

Valentine's Day Travel: Sweetheart Deals

As Valentine's Day approaches, hotels and inns are deluging me with press releases featuring all sorts of sweetheart deals. Here is a selection of some that had me doing double-takes.

The Library Hotel, New York City

Trying to get your significant other to be more romantic while whispering sweet nothings in your ear? If so, check out the Poet in Residence program at New York's Library Hotel.   During February, Love Poems for Two: A Couples Massage for the Mind and Soul, is being offered by one Karen Clark, poet. The private 90-minute workshop is designed to help couples express their deep thoughts to each other literally literary-ly. The tab for the workshop is $125 per couple, who must be checked in at the Library Hotel or its sister properties.  

Now then, how about a Valentine's Day deal for four? Yep, Love is in the Air at Pennsylvania's Omni Bedford Springs Resort for a couple of couples traveling in concert. The package for four includes champagne, chocolate, a hot air balloon ride, couples massages, and a suite. Hmmmmm. The package starts at $2,500 per night for the foursome. Note that the suites in question sport two bedrooms, so the deal is tamer than it appears upon first glance.

Omni Bedford Springs Resort

The same property is also promoting a Lonely Hearts package for singles. Come with a platonic buddy and enjoy accommodation, chocolate and champagne, and spa treatments. The package rate starts at $229 per person per night.

The Inn at 202 Dover in Easton, Maryland is celebrating Valentine's Day, Presidents Weekend, and Black History Month all in one fell swoop. The luxury inn is offering special Valentine's Day dinners at its Peacock Restaurant and African-American history tours of the historic Hill neighborhood in Easton.

For more ideas, bargain hunters should head to Groupon for a list of curated deals for romantics. You'll find specials on weekend and week-long vacations in the U.S. and in the Caribbean, Central America, and even London and Paris. Just be aware that some of the deals have blackout dates on Valentine's Day weekend. 

For more sweetheart tips, watch my appearance on WJLA-TV news in Washington, DC on February 6.

Postcards from the Edge

I got a postcard in the mail yesterday. Even more surprising, it was from two millennials.Although we are besties, I didn’t expect any postcards during their six-month trek around the world. After all, there’s Facebook and Instagram and e-mail.

Now, back in the day before the Internet (I date myself), people sent postcards all the time, particularly when traveling abroad. Perhaps they just wanted to share a special place with a friend. Perhaps bragging rights were involved. Whatever the motive, posting a picture card was de rigueur. Travelers looked forward to the process of postcard penning. It always started with the search for the perfect image. Next was the decision of where to put down the prose. When in Rome, should one sit on the Spanish Steps or opt to write next to the Trevi Fountain? In Moscow, should one plunk oneself down in the middle of Red Square or write while dining at a cafe? 

And what about the stamp? Where would one buy it? Who or what was on the stamp? Was it a current head of state? Was it a national monument or symbol? What did that subject say about the country?

The pleasure of the postcard was a gift for both giver and recipient alike. Even if an image of the soaring Swiss Alps or the minarets of Marrakesh inspired the pull of envy, the billet-doux was still likely to be posted on the recipient's refrigerator via a strong magnet.

In this day and age when trips are chronicled minute by minute on Facebook and Twitter, and when selfies and personal photos are uploaded the moment they are taken, it might seem that sending a postcard is an anachronism. Perhaps it is. And perhaps that’s why I was particularly delighted when I opened my mailbox this morning to discover a  postcard. It was a picture of Pagan, Burma, accompanied by a note from my millennial friends Emily and Patton.  I was thrilled, touched, and inspired in a way that a Facebook post could never replicate.

Let’s start an experiment, shall we? On your next trip overseas, send half a dozen postcards to unsuspecting recipients. Send one to me, too (PO Box 9444, Washington, DC 20016). You can bet your recipients will be tickled, and you may be delighted to discover the lost art of postcard writing.

So You Want to Be a Travel Blogger? 10 More Gnomes...

Following up on the popular So You Want to Be a Travel Blogger, I present an elfin dectet of malapropisms that make me grouchy.

www.photigy.com

1. The Bordeaux does not compliment the filet mignon, unless it is able to magically speak. Wine complements an entree by supplementing it or making it whole. It does not tell the steak what a fine piece of meat it is (unless it is rude wine).

2. If you want to insure a good trip, buy TravelGuard. However, if you want to ensure a good trip, do your research in advance and stay at nice hotels. Cozying up in a comfy bed can assure most people that a good night of sleep is in store..

3. Despite what Lady Gaga and many other song lyricists write, nothing is between you and I. It’s between you and me. Me is an object pronoun; I is a subject pronoun. Between is a preposition. Prepositions take the object pronoun. Please don’t keep this between you and me.

4. If something is between two people, it's between them. If it's "between" three people, it's really not. It's among three people.

5. Did I illicit a response from you on the last item? I should hope not. Perhaps I elicited a reaction, though. Illicit means outside the law. Elicit is to draw forth.or to evoke.

State images courtesy
www.worldatlas.com

6. Texas is not larger then Delaware. It is, however, larger than Delaware. Then is an adverb signifying time (First, I'll visit Texas. Then, I'll go to Delaware). Than is a comparative word.

7. The phrase “with all due respect” is usually spoken, not written. But whenever it is used, there’s most likely a heavy undertone of sarcasm. If you have to lead off a sentence with the phrase, it likely signifies an absolute lack of respect for the principle under discussion.

8. Or perhaps you have no due respect for the principal under discussion, if you are talking about the dude who has establishing the principles for your high school’s code of conduct.

9. A unicorn is not kind of unique or rather unique or even uniquely unique. If something is unique, it is one-of-a-kind. No qualifier is necessary.

10. Do not refer to the doohickey from which you withdraw cash in a foreign country as an ATM machine. ATM = automated teller machine, so if you write ATM machine, you are being redundant, repetitive.

Please tell me about your most irksome gnomes in the comments section.

Who's That Dude?

You can’t go a few blocks in Washington without tripping over a statue. In some cases, those depicted are familiar faces. Hello, Abe. Greetings, Mr. Einstein. But there are other times, when, after tripping over the statue, you look up and wonder, “Who’s that dude?” Parenthetically, for those offended by the male gender connotation of dude, note that the vast majority of DC's statues depict men.

Say you are wandering through Meridian Park, located in northwest DC. Suddenly, you stumble upon a statue of a dude flanked by a twosome representing law and democracy. Quick, who's that dude? It's James Buchanan. President #15 was hardly a gem--he’s rated among the worst by historians. The pre-Civil War leader is noted for doing little to prevent the growing schism between North and South. Nonetheless, the country’s only bachelor president gets a statue in the nation's capital, albeit hidden away in a place most visitors will never get to.

Even though Buchanan is somewhat obscure, at least he has the presidential claim to fame. If you pass by the Samuel Hahnemann Monument at the intersection of Rhode Island and Massachusetts, you have every right to wonder, “who’s that dude?”  Hahnemann was a German physician known for developing homeopathy. In the early 1900s, the American Institute of Homeopathy dedicated the impressive bronze and granite structure to this early Western practitioner of alternative medicine.

www.nps.gov

Who’s lesser-known than Hahnemann? Does the name John Ericsson ring a bell? If it doesn’t, don’t worry, you don’t have a screw loose. But Ericsson, who is honored with a national memorial near the National Mall (Ohio and Independence), did invent the screw propeller. The Swedish engineer revolutionized naval history, it is said, with this invention. The dude also designed the USS Monitor, which was instrumental in the Union victory during the Civil War.