Manic Punday: A Night at the Improv II--The Video

For those hankering to see my stand-up performance, here it is on YouTube.

Enjoy and let me know what you think in the comments section.

Just Another Manic Punday: Grey's Anatomy

True story.

I am receiving a 2 1/2-hour massage this weekend, which, parenthetically, is a short rubdown for me.
The therapist is focusing solely on my neck and shoulders. Usually, these body parts are quite resistant to pain. But when she hits a spot that has never been touched before (there's a lot of detailed work in a 2 1/2-hour upper body massage), I squeal in pain. "What muscle is that?" I query as I lay face down in the head cradle. "And what is it connected to?"

She tells me it is the infraspinatus muscle, which is attached to the humerus. I tell her I find nothing humerus about the situation.

Thank you and good night.

It's Just Another Manic Punday

In Great Lakes parlance, I'm not sure if I find this personalized birthday doodle delightfully superior, erie, or simply michigana. Look forward to huron your thoughts.

It's Just Another Manic Punday

Today's word is pajamas. It was requested by Cary Broussard (had to slipper name in). After sleeping on it, I cottoned to the idea of a pajama game. But before I do my jams, have you heard about the guy who sued the sod company boss? The lawyers had to select a lingerie; a flannel of his peers, if you will.  Don’t mean to cause a flap among nutritionists, but I have a hankering for Long Johns Silker’s. I’m done now--off to spend the nightie playing footsie with Dr. Denton. He’s the cat’s pajamas.

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Please serve up your topic requests for next Punday.

It's Just Another Manic Punday

And now, for the first in a weekly series called It's Just Another Manic Punday. I do hope you will add your thoughts and your punditry in the comments section.  Also, feel free to play Spot the Pun. Count the number of puns below.  I shall attempt 10 per bon mot (or bon mouth--and yes, that counts as one).

This is a true story. This past week, I was at the dentist. Now, brace yourself. We were jawing about the NSA scandal and the job of data analysis (because this is what one discusses with a DDS in DC). The dentist says, without a trace of irony, "I can't imagine a more tedious job." He is saying this as he is chiseling plaque off my teeth.

Now, I grant you, it would have made for a better bit if he was using a drill. "I can't imagine a more tedious job," says the dentist while boring his drill into my cavity.  See that--tedious=boring. Very nice. Ivory much like that version. But the root of the matter is that I had no cavities. Thus, I cannot go filling my tale with a false tooth. Chew on that.

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If you have a topic or a word which you would like me to punder, please make your request below.

Pun Linguistics Redux: Crime and Pun-ishment

In honor of my very first steppe in Russia this weekend, which coincided with the one-year anniversary of my Top 10 finish in the O. Henry Pun-Off, I reprise my Soviet soliloquy presented there.

My entry in the O. Henry Pun-Off World Championships.
Results below the fold. YouTube performance here.

During the Cold War, I had a Soviet boyfriend. CYRIL LICked the competition in college. He got high MARX He was a well-RED SQUARE even POLISHing off LENIN'S TOME. But when PUSHKIN to shove, he was STALIN about going to GRAD school. IVAN TERRIBLY for him to MATRYOSKALATE, as did his BARENTS. But he didn't like the RIGA of the POGROM.

He could have been a STURGEON, or another BELUGAtes. But he didn't want to MAXIM-ize his PROSPEKTS...to STEPPE out of his comfort zone.


Still, I loved Him. He made me feel SAFIN he was good at his KORBUT a little off-balance. But there were CAVIARs.

I won't beat around the BABUSHKA. At ANASTASIA relationship, things change. I had my Sista' SOLZHENITZYN moment when I realized the guy was a PUTSCH.

Let's CHEKHOV the list. He never MINSKED words. He could BORIS to tears. He was a bit GORKY. It IRSKED me that he was always working ENGELS. He was a snob, acting all SIBERIA. It went beyond the PALE.

I remember ONE PARTY when he drank so much Stoli that he couldn't get his BERINGs STRAIT. I was PETROV-ied he would go ANDROPOV the face of the earth.

He was a K-G-Beast. He was SOCHI-ep. He was rather VOLGA. And a bit of a SLAV. Plus, he was always ROMANOV, going PIEROGI on me. I started RUBLE-ing the day I met him.

One time, while doing TASS like IRONing CURTAINS when I said to him, "Don't UKRAINE on my parade." He replied, "CRIMEA river." That was it. I said, "I'm FINNISHED. TATAR."

All the signs should have RAISA a red flag. But I was young and TSARry-eyed and fools RUSSIAN to love.URAL looking for a moral? Y'ALTALLINN you, when you are fishin' for love, the KIEVery time is to MIRly cast a MIG NYET SOYUZ don't make the same mistakes I did. No BOLSHEVIK.

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According to my reading of the scoreboard, with this ditty, I finished #8 out of 30 for Punniest of Show. So-VI-et. I believe my downfall was artistic impression. Certainly, on technical merit, with more than 60 puns in less than two minutes, I should have skated along with a slate of 9s and 10s. Too bad there was no Russian judge. Given the cryptic nature of the language, I believe I needed a judge familiar with the territory. For example, I ended up taking out sentences like "He was oblast and had good kama" due to obscurity.

Meantime, congrats to the champion, one Jerzy Gwiazdowski from the NYC POLITeBURO of Queens. His geographic riff won the day.

Dear reader, did I miss any Russian puns? You can always do a GOGOL search and offer suggestions. Please speak up. After my mediocre FINNISH, I am needing a whole LADA love.

The Power of Potatoes

Given my love of the state of Idaho, I am always keeping my eye out, so to speak, for potato-related stories. So, I yam pleased to share this story with you, which details how tubers are contributing to airline safety.

To briefly summarize, Boeing says it has been testing ways to "make it possible for passengers to enjoy more reliable connectivity using networked personal electronic devices in the air." (Boeing's press release writers must learn to pen prose in understandable English.)

At any rate, the new procedures Boeing has developed come, in part, via the humble potato. Just like Mr. Potato Head here, spuds mimic the human body in the manner they respond to electronic signals. So, the company's crack team of scientists bought 10 tons of potatoes, stuffed them into airline seats (no leg room required), and, in essence, microwaved them. When the potatoes didn't bubble and squeak after being pelted with electronic signals, all was deemed a success. Seems half-baked, but somehow this testing, according to a Boeing spokesman, allowed engineers to make sure that cabin-based signals are safe for the cockpit's communication and navigation systems. At the same time, the results are expected to ensure passengers using wireless devices on planes get (s)mashing reception.

As for the brave potatoes that chipped in for the experiment--they were donated to a food bank.

Pun Linguistics Part II: Nine Things I Learned at The O.Henry Pun-Off World Championships

1. The Definition of a Pun 
A pun is the humorous use of a word or words in such a way as to suggest different meanings or applications, or words that have the same or nearly the same sounds, but with different meanings.

2. What is Not a Pun
If you are talking about railroads, “you’re off track” does not give berth to a pun. Why? Because track in the cliché refers to a railroad track. The usage of the word must differ from its original meaning.

3. A Pun Can Include a Set-Up 
To wit, when paired off in Punslingers with the topic of Politics, No Names (seemingly a good category for me until you discover my opponent grew up in DC as part of a politically-connected family and currently serves as a political pundit for a major DC media outlet), I was tapped out after about a dozen rounds. My tendency was to play off specific words/phrases--we’re setting a president here/Do you C-N-N anyone out there? (a holla to my alma mater). On the other hand, my oppunent used a stalling technique to develop a story that led up to a pun-chline.

Had I employed this technique, I might have issued the following in order to stay in the game:
--Remember that character from Cheers who used to sit on his barstool drinking beer all day? Well, I suppose if they call Boston the Red Sox Nation, they could call Cheers the nomination.
BTW, I was DQ’ed when I mentioned that my 80-year-old boyfriend had electoral dysfunction because electoral had already been exercised. Rather anti-climatic.

4. Let’s Keep It Clean, People 
Use of coy double entendres is fine (as in electoral dysfunction above). But anything too blatant is met with derision at the Pun-Off, which, after all, is a family affair.

5. There's No Apologizing in Punditry
In the words of Gary Hallock, punmeister extraordinaire and emcee of the Pun-Off, a lovely pun means never having to say you’re sorry. If you have to apologize for a pun, it probably isn’t worthy. Hallock notes, “When someone adds ‘no pun intended‘ to a quip, I say, ‘none taken’ because it couldn’t have been much of a pun in the first place."

6. Pacing is Primary 
After reading my punditry on the written page after the fact, one judge, while noting its brilliance (!), suggested I simply had too many puns (63) in a 120-secord monologue. As a result, there was no time for the pungent, pregnant pause in the spoken version, quite necessary for a complex pun to sink in.

7. Stick to the Basics
It helps to pun in recognizable English. Riffs on familiar references--like States or Cheese --won the day. My piece was on Russia, or more specifically, the Soviet Union and its empire. Therefore, some puns (Soyuz, Mir-ly) may have been unrecognized or misunderstood, while other wordplay (he was good at his korbut a little off balance, a Sista‘ Solzhenitzyn moment) may have been a bit dated.

8. Brilliant Writing Doesn't Always Translate to Oral Pun Linguistics
Written punditry is different from oral punditry. He wouldn’t steppe up to the plate, when we can stair at it on the page, clearly shows punditry on the Russian theme. However, spoken, it just sounds like step. Same goes for finnished.  And Y’altallinn you, which cleverly combines Yalta and Tallinn in one fine pun, doesn’t pact the same punch in spoken English.

9. Sometimes you can be too punny for your own good.