Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum XI

US Airways will begin charging an extra five dollars a bag for passengers who don’t go on-line to check-in and prepay for checked luggage. The fee will be in addition to the $15 for the first checked bag and $25 for the second that US Airways already charges. The extra per bag fee will be assessed to passengers who pay to check their bags at the airport beginning July 9.

Perhaps the new fee is being put into place to make up for the revenue lost from US Airways’ ill-advised foray into charging for non-alcoholic beverages. On March 1, the airline dropped its unpopular two dollar charge for soft drinks and one dollar charge for coffee and tea. As no other airline had copied the idea, US Airways realized that the fees had become a competitive disadvantage.

Not so incidentally, last week, the carrier posted a first-quarter net loss of $103 million, or 90 cents a share.

Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum VIII

A new year, a new fee. US Airways, the only airline that serves up a fee with its soft drinks, is now charging $7 for a blanket and a pillow. Yes, US Airways has managed to become the only U.S. carrier to charge for the two things that miff passengers the most--soft drinks and blankets. Now it should be noted that, among the country's major carriers, JetBlue is also charging for blankets and pillows. But at least JetBlue serves its soft drinks for free. Plus, that airline gives its passengers access to a free in-flight satellite television system.

I wonder if it's any coincidence that US Airways quietly announced the new fee just days before its heroic Flight 1549 crew was to make its victory lap around the media. After all, what grinch is going to say bad things about the airline that is providing us with the feel-good story of the year? Still, despite having a CEO who keeps insisting that passengers just love these fees, I can't help feeling that US Airways is sullying its reputation by constantly being at the forefront of the in-flight fee fiesta.

That's Not the Spirit

Just when you think flight attendants might be getting a little respect, thanks to the miraculous US Airways incident, along comes Spirit Airlines with another one of its brilliant advertising concepts.

You see, the low-cost carrier, in its continuing quest to add revenue any which way it can, has a plan to bring ad revenue in through placing Bud Light logos on flight attendant uniforms.

Yes, the company that brought you "Double D" deals and “The Return of the MILF Sale” (classy, guys) is considering turning its flight attendants into walking billboards. The idea is to have flight attendants advertise alcohol on their aprons during the beverage service. Nice.

"Turning flight attendants into walking billboards is unacceptable," Deborah Crowley, president of Spirit's flight attendants union chapter, said in a statement. "The proposed aprons diminish the primary and federally mandated role of flight attendants as safety professionals." Patricia Friend, president of the U.S. Association of Flight Attendants, adds, "I feel as though I have entered a time warp and am reliving the battles for respect and justice for women that we fought for 40 years ago.” Referring to the DD (Double Discounts) and MILF (Many Islands, Low Fares) promotions, Friend says the not-so-subtle innuendoes are demeaning to all of America's professional flight attendants. Furthermore, she says, "They offend not just the female population of this country, but the male members of humanity who admire and respect women."

Believe you me, I’m not one to defend the spirit of said advertising methods, but maybe, more than being sexist, the airline is just an advertising whore. After all, Spirit leads the pack in putting ads everywhere on the plane, from overhead bins to tray tables to window panels. Still, I would feel a little better if the airline tamped down on tacky and chauvinistic tactics not seen since the days of National Airlines' "Fly Me" campaign in the early 1970s. Message for Spirit--National is no longer in business. Bone up on that.

Sky-High Wi-Fi

2009 will be known as the year that Wi-Fi went sky-high in the air over America.

Nowadays, more than 65 percent of business travelers and one third of all leisure travelers in the United States carry laptops with them when they fly. What’s more, about a third bring along Wi-Fi enabled phones and PDAs. And those numbers are increasing by the day. But until recently, said devices were unusable once a plane took off.

Although wireless Internet access availability in the wild blue yonder has been attempted before (in 2000, Boeing announced its Connexion for large airliners, but the system never took off), U.S. airlines are now truly getting on board with the concept. And this time, it’s likely to fly. That’s because, as airlines are looking for new services for which to charge fees, Wi-Fi is the perfect solution. It’s new, so customers won’t be enraged about paying for something that was previously free. It’s something customers want. And it’s something for which many a traveler (particularly those on expense accounts) will be happy to pay a premium. Some predictions say Wi-Fi will bring $1 billion in extra revenue to U.S. carriers by 2012.

Last August, American Airlines became the first domestic carrier to launch full wireless service on some of its flights. Customers traveling coast to coast can access broadband Wi-Fi services for $12.95 per flight, "enabling passengers to surf the Web, check any e-mail, instant message, access a corporate VPN and more," the carrier said in a statement. American is using the air-to-ground Gogo network of in-flight connectivity provider Aircell.

Delta is using the same system. Gogo is initially being introduced on Delta’s fleet of 133 MD88/90 aircraft and will expand to the rest of Delta’s domestic fleet through the first half of 2009. The airline expects to have 330 planes outfitted with Wi-Fi by the summer. Delta is following Aircell's pricing of $9.95 on flights shorter than three hours and $12.95 on longer flights, but "will look at package pricing and subscriptions," says Delta manager of global product development Chris Babb.

For techies, devices that communicate with the Gogo system include laptop computers with 802.11 a/b/g Wi-Fi capability, smart phones and other PDAs, and BlackBerry handheld devices. Coast-to-coast Gogo service is possible due to Aircell's national network of 92 transmitter sites.

Aircell is the first to bring full Internet capabilities to the in-flight domestic market, but other connectivity providers are securing deals with U.S. carriers and are ramping up their systems.

Aircell’s biggest competitor in the Wi-Fi wars is Row44, a satellite system designed for commercial aircraft. While Aircell’s is a ground-to-air system, Row44 is satellite-to-plane. The advantage to the latter--there is consistent connectivity, even over water.

The company demonstrated its system this past week during the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. Later this month, Row44 will have a free public trial on select Southwest and Alaska Airlines flights. Southwest is preliminarily installing the system on four of its jets, while Alaska is putting it on one.

Row44 CEO John Guidon says the price point will eventually be determined based on how the service is offered. “In some cases, the airlines will determine what the prices will be,” says Guidon. “But if the airline is not determining the price, then I think Row44 will be making a price in the $7.99 range for a domestic flight for a laptop. If you're on something like an iPhone or a PDA—and we can tell that, by the way—we'll charge you less, something like $5.99."

As for other U.S. carriers, Virgin America introduced Gogo Wi-Fi last November. By the second quarter of 2009, the airline expects to offer Wi-Fi on its entire fleet of planes. JetBlue has had limited Internet capabilities through LiveTV since the end of 2007. The free service enables connectivity through its seatback televisions, BlackBerrys and laptops. Yet, it can only access a limited number of services, including Yahoo! mail and instant messaging, Gmail, AOL, and Windows Live, which includes Hotmail and MSN e-mail accounts. Continental Airlines plans to use LiveTV to make in-flight Wi-Fi available early this year.

A Marriage in the Skies

Yes, Delta and Northwest are finally man and wife. The United States Department of Justice approved the marriage this week. Once the deal is consummated, Delta will become the world's largest airline. The happy couple will establish a home base in Atlanta.

Passengers will start to see evidence of the union early next year. By spring, Northwest flight attendants will don those snazzy Delta outfits designed by Richard Tyler. By summer, flight schedules and frequent flyer programs are likely to be fully merged.

However, during a honeymoon period of several months, the two airlines will continue to operate as singles, with independent websites and separate check-in areas at airports. But as the marriage develops, Northwest will lose its identity and become fully integrated into the Delta family.

Sky High Fuel Surcharges Mean Profits for Airlines

If anyone doubts that the airlines are making money on fuel surcharges, take a gander at an article on international travel in the October 3 issue of USA Today's Money section.

The article quotes aviation consultant Michael Boyd, who says at $94 a barrel, about $80,000 of fuel is consumed on a one-way flight on a Boeing 777 from Newark to Shanghai. Now, given that a 777 can carry around 400 passengers, a $200 per passenger fee would completely cover the cost of filling up. So how can a carrier possibly justify a fee upwards of $200? And why should passengers cover the entire "tankful", anyway? After all, fuel surcharges were designed to have passengers cover the extra cost of fuel, given recent price increases. So, in reality, the fee shouldn't cover the entire fuel bill--just the additional expense created during this last year of price increases.

Fuel surcharges vary (randomly) by destination. FareCompare.com has compiled a chart of average international fuel surcharges based on data from nearly 620,000 round-trip airfares between the USA and foreign cities.

According to FareCompare.com, the highest average round-trip fuel charge from the U.S. to an international destination is $500 to Tel Aviv, Israel. Next on the list is Tokyo ($474), Hong Kong ($465), Sydney ($448), Dubai ($440) and Beijing ($409). Fuel surcharges for most European destinations fall within the $330 to $360 range.

Given the discrepancies in fuel surcharges among international carriers (American's fuel surcharges vary on each route depending on flight length and competition, while Air France has a standard $165 fee and Lufthansa has a standard $105 fee on one-way flights to the U.S.), it's important to consider more than the base fee when comparing the cost of international tickets.

Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum Part VII

Oh, Canada. American airlines could learn so much from you. Here's why.

As of this week, Canada's two major airlines have adjusted their baggage fees and fuel surcharges to reflect the recent drop in oil prices. Air Canada has dropped its $25 fee to check a second bag on North American flights (there was never a charge for a first bag). Canada's largest carrier has also reduced its excess baggage fees for oversized and overweight pieces.

Meantime, West Jet has stopped assessing fuel surcharges on its North American flights. Those fees had ranged between $20 and $45 for a one-way flight.

How very Canadian to be fair about all of this. After all, there's logic in the idea that if airlines impose surcharges when costs go up, they should drop them when costs go down. But somehow, I doubt American carriers will take a cue from their Northern neighbors. Instead, after having used the fuel price increases of the summer as an excuse to tack on extra fees, the U.S. airlines will somehow find justification in continuing those fees, even after fuel prices have dropped.

Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose.

Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum: Part VI

United Airlines has a very special present for its passengers, right in time for the holiday travel season. Just when people are most likely to be loaded down with baggage, the airline is doubling its fee for checking a second bag. The $50 one-way charge kicks in November 10. The fee applies to coach passengers traveling within the U.S. or to Canada, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Passengers who purchased tickets prior to September 15 may be exempt from the charge.

But here's some good news for United customers. The airline has decided that feeding the masses is a good idea after all. The airline has backed off of its much-criticized plan to stop serving free meals for transatlantic coach passengers. But United continues to tinker with its onboard menu. Starting October 1, business class customers flying on any of the airline's domestic routes with three-cabin service will find there's no longer a free hot meal. Instead, business class customers will be treated with a tasty box lunch. Upgrading to a hot meal, even for a price, will not be an option. As for those in the back of the bus, cold box lunches will be available only for those willing to pay cold cash.

Boarding Pass or Billboard?

Can a boarding pass be a billboard? Apparently, it is so, according to cash-starved airline executives. You have gotta love the creative twists and turns airline executives are taking as they scheme up new ways to make money. The latest twist in the revenue ramp-up is the addition of ads on the boarding passes that passengers print up at home. That's right--valuable printer ink will now get consumed publishing advertising for the airlines.

Of course, the airlines would have us believe that new policy is merely a service for passengers. For the boarding pass that's printed will be highlighted with targeted ads, coupons, and shopping and dining recommendations based on where passengers are going. People can opt out of printing the ads. On the other hand, they can also choose to provide the participating airlines (Continental, Delta, Northwest, United and US Airways) with a host of information in order to get ads that are specially personalized. Of course, this option is also likely to get people bombarded with unwelcome e-mail blasts as well.

The five participating airlines have minority stakes in Sojern, the Nebraska-based start-up that's behind this venture. While revenues will be split among the concerned parties, the potential size of the purse is unknown. Sojern figures 40 percent of 700 million annual flight check-ins are conducted online, leading to 280 million blank billboards. Methinks Sojern overestimates that percentage, and neglects to take into account those who will opt out of the game. Time will tell if this commercial scheme goes the way of advertising on airsickness bags.

Mr. Bill: Priceless

Apropos of nothing, kudos to MasterCard for bringing back Mr. Bill. Oh no, I'm showing my age, but Mr. Bill was one of my favorite Saturday Night Live bits way back when. For those who don't remember Mr. Bill, he was a little clay figure who was regularly subjected to humiliation, torture and angst at the hands of Mr. Hand. As he gamely endured his trials and tribulations, he would wail "Oh, noooooooooooo" in falsetto exclamation.

It's interesting that MasterCard has chosen to revive Mr. Bill for this summer's version of its "Priceless" ad campaign. After all, Mr. Bill's catchphrase seems to be a mantra for this year of economic woes. What current day consumer can't relate when Mr. Bill is scalded by hot coffee ("coffee-$2")*; hit by a briefcase ("briefcase-$120); and sent out an office window to find himself splat on a windshield of a city bus. Just as Mr. Bill comments, "Hey, the bus is right on schedule," the windshield wipers go into gear. Oh, noooo. Still, for Mr. Bill, what's priceless is making it through the day.

I wonder if MasterCard first pondered a Mr. Bill scenario where he's going to take a flight. After all, doesn't every airline traveler feel a bit like Mr. Bill these days, with the airlines playing the role of Mr. Hand? Baggage check--$25. Fuel surcharge--$50. Bottled water on the plane--$2. Finally, getting to your destination with your sanity intact--priceless.

To watch this priceless ad, go to www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxMqDxtjw1U

*Two dollars? Clearly, Mr. Hand is not getting his caffeine fix at Starbucks.

Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum II

Nearly every day, American airline companies seem to be adding fees, cutting flights, firing staff, and generally making things unpleasant for their employees and for the innocent traveler. We are all now too familiar with the baggage fee that nearly every domestic carrier (except Southwest) is charging. But did you hear the one about the frequent flyer fee? Yep, on Delta and US Airways, there's no such thing as a free ticket, anymore. Redeem your frequent flyer miles on Delta and you'll pay $25 for domestic flights and $50 for international journeys. Delta is calling the fee a fuel surcharge, but whatever. The move follows on the heels of US Airways, which was first to announce a $25 fee on U.S. and Canadian frequent flyer flights. Free flights to Mexico and the Caribbean now cost $35 on that airline, and international tickets frequent flyer tickets cost $50.

In setting up their frequent flyer fee structures, these airlines are proving to be a bit geographically challenged. Delta includes Canada on its list of domestic destinations, which would make any Canuck say "Oh, Canada?" On the other hand, Delta considers Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands to be international destinations. Last time I checked, both were still U.S. territories. They do, after all, get to vote for president. But Delta would have the islands seceding from the Union, which, I guess, isn't extraordinary considering the airline is based in Atlanta.

But I digress. US Airways, in its infinite wisdom, counts Hawaii as an international destination. That's lei-ing it on a bit thick, don't you think?

Interestingly, while Puerto Rico, the U.S. Virgin Islands and Hawaii count as international destinations when it comes to frequent flyer fees, when it comes to baggage fees, they do not. This is relevant, because Americans flying to international destinations are not charged for their first two bags. In other words, a passenger who redeems frequent flyer points for a trip to Hawaii will pay $50 for the "international" ticket, but will also have to pay $15 to check the first bag and $25 for the second, per US Airways' domestic baggage policy. Got that?

By the way, American Airlines, our friends who came up with the brilliant idea of charging for the first bag checked, is currently only charging a $5 processing fee for folks redeeming frequent flyer miles. But stayed tuned--that's likely to change any day now.

An Airline Wedding...Or Are They Just Co-Habitating?

United and Continental are uniting. Mind you, they aren't merging. But the two U.S. carriers are going to hook up their global networks. What does this mean? First and foremost, the partnership will include new frequent flier reciprocity so that points can be earned and redeemed on both airlines. Travel on either carrier will count toward earning elite status. And members of either airline's airport lounge program will have access to both Continental's Presidents Clubs and United's Red
Carpet Club lounges.

In the U.S., United and Continental will develop an extensive code-share system. This means that both airlines can continue with plans to reduce the number of jets they each fly, while still providing fairly comprehensive domestic service. For flights that may involve a transfer from a United plane to a Continental plane, there will be a (theoretically) seamless process for ticketing, check-in, flight connections and baggage transfer.

Internationally, Continental will join the Star Alliance, thereby allowing code shares not only with United, but with international partners such as Lufthansa, Thai, and SAS.

Model Behavior

Were it not for the fact that a certain lovely, leggy supermodel is known for her regular outbursts at underlings and others, some might be sympathetic to the recent case of one Ms. Naomi Campbell. The tempestuous beauty, you see, was arrested last week when her luggage, checked in for a flight out of the now equally-infamous Heathrow Terminal 5, went AWOL. Apparently, she threw a fit with airline staff upon learning one of her fashion-filled bags failed to make it onto an L.A.-bound plane. Who among us wouldn't have loved to throw a similar fit? Anyway, the long and short of it--police officers had to board the plane to quell the disturbance. At that point, Ms. Campbell allegedly spit on the officers and had a nasty word or two to share. Okay, most among us wouldn't do that. Soon thereafter, she was led away sporting that popular fashion accessory--a set of silvery handcuffs.

Given that thousands of passengers have now experienced the same fate (missed baggage, not the ability to strut down the catwalk to the tune of millions of dollars), one might say Ms. Campbell's rant gave a public face to the feelings of many. However, given Ms. Campbell's ego and her police record (she recently spent five days mopping floors in New York as part of a community service sentence after throwing a cell phone at her housekeeper during an argument over a pair of jeans), it is more likely that she thought she could get away with such behavior....unlike the thousands of other peons who would liked to have yelled or thrown a cell phone at someone...but somehow managed, in a very British way....to restrain themselves.

Speaking of models behaving badly, let's talk Kate Moss for a minute. No, she hasn't caused any ruckuses that I know of, nor has she snorted any cocaine lately....well, at least not on tape. Not that the latter has turned out to be a bad career move. Even though a couple of advertisers dropped her after said tape became public, she appears to be doing better than ever. Ms. Moss is featured on at least 20 of the first 50 pages of every fashion magazine I pick up these days. And men, just so you know, the first 50 pages are usually devoted to ads. The table of contents doesn't even show up in a September issue of Vogue, for example, until page 100 or so. What, are there no other models available to peddle fashion wares? Granted, Naomi Campbell might be in jail when an advertiser is planning a shoot, but surely, there are other choices. How about some of the castoffs from America's Next Top Model? Good thing supermodels are not role models. Oops, except that they are to many young girls--witness anorexia and the behavior of the girls on ANTM. Anyway, my point is, what is it about Kate Moss that advertisers and photographers find so appealing? Perhaps it is the fact that, since she is so frail, she doesn't have the strength to cause any harm should she decide to hurl a cell phone their way.